#69. or, bodily anomalies

  I'm not really sure how to say this without coming off as some sort of genetic freak, but the hair growing out right ear, is growing faster than the hair growing out of my left ear.

  Now, you're saying, "EEEWWWW!" Get over it, i'm 44 years old. I have hair growing out of all the holes in my head.  In fact, just to get ready to go out, has become a labour intensive venture. I've had to do more clipping and trimming of my orifices in the last 4 years, than the previous 40. (Well, not my mouth, except for that one night i did Jager and Vodka shots straight from the bottle, the next morning it felt like i needed to shave my tongue.) When you're an average looking fellow, you need to take the extra time to make sure that you don't have odd things happening to your body when you go out. People are going to notice that stuff way more than if you're one of the beautiful people. Nobody cares if Brad Pitt has extra ear hair, they just want to look at Brad Pitt.

  I've never been that head turner fellow. I'm pretty average. I'm OK with that. Really, if the only woman that i make swoon for the rest of my life is my wife, that's fine by me. The thing is, i wonder why, that when you finally, really start to figure out who you are, time starts throwing the odd curve balls at you? Like the hair out of my ears. OK, it doesn't look like i have pot scrubbers growing out of the sides of my head or anything. It's just there, but more abundant than it used to be.

  Somebody smarter than me should invent some type of ear wax hair removal system for ear hair. I bet you could make a million bucks with that idea!

  Also, i have a couple skin tags. Little flaps of skin growing off me like a new appendage. I don't need any new appendages, thank you. To remove them, you can buy a kit from Wal-Mart, containing some sort of liquid nitrogen type substance. You're supposed to freeze them until they die. I did one, it hurt like hell! Then it hurt every time i bumped it until it finally fell off. Actually, the only time anyone would see it is if i take my shirt off. I had planned to deal with it before we went on winter holidays but i chickened out. Now summer is coming, and occasionally, i like to go to the beach. So i have to deal with that.

  Anyways, i don't know why i have to shave the hairs growing out of my right ear twice as much as on the left? Sometimes, i wish mutton chops were back in style so it wouldn't be so much of an issue. Like my moustache hides my predominant nose hair growth. More of a clever camouflage than actually dealing with the problem. Sometimes i'm lazy that way.

 ................another thing, i discovered an eyebrow hair twice as thick and three times as long as all the rest the other day when i was shaving my mono-brow. Now i have to deal with that shit too.