Sunday, July 22, 2012

#102. or, FYI, MRI


  A couple months back my doctor scheduled me to get an MRI to see if they could figure out what's wrong with my wonky shoulder. Part of the process of being cleared to actually get the MRI was that I needed to get an X-ray of my eyeball.  The MRI uses a strong magnetic field and in the past I had some metal fragments in my eye from a careless grinding incident. They wanted to be sure that no metal was left in my eye because if there was, the possibility was there that the MRI machine could suck that metal right out of my eyeball. I posted on that before, you can read about it here.

  Friday was finally the day for my MRI appointment. I had never had an MRI before. There's a shit-ton of questions to be answered to make sure that there is absolutely no metal on you before they proceed. No piercings, pins in your bones, electronic devices that keep you alive, or any recent tattoos. I was clean, but still am not quite sure why you can't have recent tattoos. I should have asked that?

  This particular MRI unit is a mobile one. It travels between the local communities to make it more accessible. They pull up beside the hospital and you go through a tunnel like you would when you board an airplane. It's actually in a trailer like they move produce in that they pull with a big truck. But inside, there's millions of dollars of equipment. It's pretty pimped out, I'm sure that in the back, behind the MRI machine, they keep the Knight Rider car. 


 The whole procedure was going to take about 15 minutes, I needed to be still for that time. The technician put me on the table, positioned my shoulder in the cup, gave me the button to push if anything was wrong, put headphones on me, (she said it was going to make a lot of noise.) and pushed the button for the table to slide into the MRI tunnel.


  The next thing I noticed was my ring finger was twitching. HOLY SHIT! I forgot to take my wedding ring off! How long ago did we buy these things? This tunnel is way too small to turn around in and crawl back out! When this machine sucks my ring into it, it's going to rip my finger clean off. My knee is itchy. Isn't gold non-metallic? I wonder how much iron I have in my blood? Is magnetic metal, ferrous or non-ferrous? Did we get ripped off when we bought these rings 18 years ago? With my finger ripped off, am I going to be able to push the abort button to stop this thing? It's awfully white in here. There has to be something else metallic on my body that I've forgotten about? Itchy. I wonder if I have a steel plate in my head? Non-ferrous, I think. This is a new t-shirt, if my finger comes off, it's going to be ruined. I'd probably know it if I had a steel plate in my head. If my head comes off in this thing are they going to make my wife clean it up? This machine is noisy as hell! Wonder if I should push the button and bail? Has anybody died in one of these things? Hey, those are exactly the same sounds Alien Invaders made on my old Atari 2600. I'm pretty sure I can still function with 3 fingers and a thumb on my left hand. Where is that Atari 2600?  Do tattoos explode? My wife is going to get sick if they make her clean up the mess, they should make someone else do that. Wonder what's happening on Twitter? OH, THAT WAS LOUD! My knee is itchy, should have picked a better position. Finger is still twitching. Itchy, itchy,itchy, itchy. I have to pee. I should stop this thing. If you lose a finger, the ring finger isn't such a bad one to lose. I should let this thing finish. Must be close to 15 minutes by now. What if they forget I'm in here and drive to the next town. If I have to walk 40 miles back to my truck, I should have worn something other than flip flops. Finger is still twitching. Why have I never broken a bone? Maybe, when I was a kid, I could have been abducted, taken to a secret government research facility where they fused my bones with an indestructible metal alloy. Then, wiped my memory of anything like that ever happening and reintroduced me into society to be called on at a later date to save the world? That would be so cool. If I have metal bones, I'm probably going to explode in here. Is it 15 minutes yet? Itchy and I have to pee. If I'm going to be a super hero, I'm going to have to lose some weight. Itchy, itchy knee.....  


  And that's what went on in my head. For another 14 minutes, 58 seconds.

 But nothing happened. I just layed there, still, for my 15 minutes, while they bombarded my body with magnetism to take pictures of my insides. Aside from my twitching ring finger, it was relatively uneventful. Until, that is, I tried to get my valuables back out of the locker they had me put them into and the code I thought I used wouldn’t work. I had to get some hospital staff to come and put in a master code to get the locker open. All the while my phone is in there vibrating like crazy on the metal floor of the locker and I’m worried about what I’m missing on Twitter while they think who’s this idiot that can’t remember a 4 digit code for 20 minutes.

  I have an appointment next month to go over the results with my doctor. He’s most likely going to tell me I’m just getting old.

 .........the only hurdle that I have left to cross is to see if I’m going to turn into a giant green hulking monster the next time I get angry. I’m a little excited to see what happens.

68 comments:

  1. This PROVES we share one mind! I would have totally thought the exact same things! Longest 2 seconds of your life! By the way, Hilarious! One of my faves!

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    1. Thanks Leanne. More than pleased to share a mind with you. :)

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  2. That was a riveting 2 seconds! So glad you didn't explode!

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    1. Probably not quite as much as I am? It pretty much went on for the whole time I was in there.

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  3. Haha! Ah, the curse of the overactive mind...

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    1. I don't think that people realize how exhausting it is to have one. But I suspect that just about everybody here has the same problem? :)

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  4. There's nothing like tube-like, confined spaces to make a normally non-claustrophobic person go completely wonky. There's also nothing worse than someone telling youNOT to move or breathe...that's all I can think about doing at that point.

    Hope all goes well with your results! Glad you're around - been missing your posts! I truly do understand the breaks though.

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    1. I'm quite sure the tube was a lot smaller by the time they slid me out than when I went in.

      I'm a pretty kinetic person. Even when I'm still, I have to be moving about a little bit. 15 minutes is an eternity.

      Thanks for your concern. I'm sure it's going to be something age related. It seems more days pass between posts than I would like these days. I'm trying to do something at least once a week. I did write something this week for another project that I hope to be able to talk about a little more in the future. It's so hard to be inside posting things when it's nice out plus I have this pesky job thing to do. Oh well, I'm not going anywhere. I've been trying to keep up on my blog reading but my commenting has suffered. I hope to get back at that a little more as well.

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  5. LOL, you are such a funny man Ken as always!
    When I had my MRI I kept thinking to myself, this is what it would be like be buried alive and I had a full on panic attack.

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    1. Hi, J! Always nice when you come around. :)

      That's freaky. Did you make it to the end or did you get to hit the abort button? Part of me wanted to push it so badly to see if alarms went off and red lights started flashing and they ejected the magnetic core into the atmosphere.

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  6. I love the stream of consciousness you had going. I'm sure I'd be just like that, probably a bit more random. I believe there is metal in tattoo ink (more in prison tats, I'm told) but why you would be able to get one today and yet get one later is a mystery to me.

    WG

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    1. Mine certainly isn't a prison tattoo. I've only had it since February but it seemed that was plenty old to not be an issue for them.

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  7. Ah, fond memories. As far as the memory wipe, that's a normal thing for MRI's.

    ...I think. I can't quite remember...

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  8. I'm also having trouble with my shoulder and if the cortisone shot doesn't work I'll probably be sliding into an MRI. Thanks for upping the fear factor. Funny post.

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    1. I never got to have the cortisone. I know there's a few people in my family with an allergy to it.

      If I have to go again, I might try to look at pictures of kittens or something to mellow me out a bit. Do you think I could find any pictures of kittens on the internet?

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  9. "If my head comes off in this thing are they going to make my wife clean it up?"
    A little bit of poop came out on that one.

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    1. OH Dear! ......hope your wife didn't have to clean that up?

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  10. There was an old episode of "House" where a patient had prison tats that went all magnetic in the MRI. This made me think of that.

    Great stream of consciousness!

    You can also rest happy that if aliens have put implants into you, then they are advanced enough race that there's probably no way you could have avoided them.

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    1. I never got a chance to see that episode. Maybe that's the reason they have me signing waivers to get this thing?

      Except, the aliens are always smart enough to get here but never smart enough to not be beaten by our primitive weapons? It's just a thought?

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  11. "at 6 miles per hour, your mind wanders" but lying still it really races out of control. Great post.

    Although I have had a couple of MRIs this year, lying entirely shoved up into the big machine doesn't make me antsy. I guess it's like putting a bag over an alligator's head.

    It's the rest of life that sounds like that to me.
    Hope it's nothing serious.

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    1. I actually think that i'm getting as little better at things like the MRI. But my mind generally doesn't shut down too often. As much as I would like it to at times.

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  12. I am rolling with laughter Ken! This was just about the funniest thing I've ever read! Thanks for the laugh....but now seriously.. I hope it all goes well!

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    1. Thanks Robin, I'm sure that it will all be just fine. Glad that I could help put a smile on your face. :)

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  13. Gold is metallic. Actually, most of the elements in existence are.

    The most common elements are non-metalic.

    "For another 14 mins 48 secs" <- zing, I like it

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    1. You're most likely right. It's been quite a few years since I've had a science class. Any class for that matter!

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  14. Funny, Ken lol... I *am* glad you didn't lose your finger though... it would have made blogging and tweeting a little harder.

    I did have to shudder a bit when I thought back to the MRI I had in India - and how they didn't ask me a thing about having metal in or on my body. I knew not to have any so I was clean - but I wonder about other people there who have never heard of an MRI before... They *must* have some sort of system in place to protect them! (I hope).

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    1. It would be fine, I only use 2 fingers to type anyways. I'd still have plenty of spares.

      That's odd. Especially with all of the jewelry they seem to wear there. Maybe there is a lot less suing for malpractice going on in India?

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  15. That was awesome! I loved the mind rambling questions! I had an MRI for my shoulder a couple of years ago, I have five tattoos and I asked why I should be concerned about having a newer one. They did tell me that the ink most artists use has metal in it and if it's too new and not completely set in the skin it could be ripped out through the skin.

    All I could imagine was my designs flying out and splattering against the walls, not to mention that it would hurt like hell!

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    1. Oh I forgot to ask about the x ray on your eyeball...how did that work? I would think X-ray radiation wouldn't be great for your eye.

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    2. I just got a picture in my head of the inside of the tube covered in skulls and butterflies. The place could stand a little colour.

      The X-ray was uneventful. In and out in less than 5 minutes. Of course, you always have to wonder why they leave the room to take the picture behind protective glass.

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    3. Not to mention covering your junk with a lead blanket.....

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  16. ROFL, thanks for the laughs Ken. Having had a few MRIs, I can honestly say that's pretty much the standard stream of consciousness for me. I've never had any metal on me when I went in, interesting to know what it's like to forget your ring is on. As for tattoos, the reason they ask is because sometimes, some inks contain trace amounts of metal, depending on where you had it done. These trace amounts will be pulled out in an MRI, leaving the patient with weeping wounds and also potentially ruining the tattoo, very icky. I only know this because I have tattoos and actually did ask when I had my first MRI, so there ya go, learned somethin new.

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    1. I mentioned that I had only had mine since February. They said it was fine but not why. Nobody like weepy wounds.
      My finger twitched the whole time but that was about it.

      Glad I could make you laugh. :)

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  17. I had an MRI on my shoulder last Tuesday. The metal check freaked me out because I had a plate and screws put in my neck 2.5 weeks before as a result if an injury that forked my shoulder as well. I was in that tube for 30 minutes. Not necessarily freaking out but thinking the whole time too. Also thought, if i pushed the panic button, would Tom the technican actally come and save me?Shoulder pain stinks. Hope you have a good result. Waiting to be called about mine.

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    1. I wouldn't mind at all if they could fix my shoulder. Yours sounds so much more terrible than mine! Yikes! I hope they get you fixed back up.

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  18. Don't hulk out on us Ken! Wait, on second thought, go ahead and hulk. That should make for one hell of a blog post. Then I could redraw your avatar! lol

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    1. Don't get me angry Dan.....you wouldn't like me when I'm angry! :)

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  19. Haha, I probably would've been thinking the same things. Those MRI machines are intimidating.

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    1. In the end, it wasn't all that bad. If I did it again, there would be a lot less stress involved.

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  20. Oh, gosh, this cracked me up! I had an MRI and I was so worried about the metal issue, too. They make such a big deal about it!

    I hear they have MRI's now that actually have a screen and they can play movies on it. Now that would be a nice distraction from over-active imaginations...well, depending on the movie, I guess :)

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    1. I kept imagining a movie I saw once, maybe a James Bond flick but I'm not sure, about a fight in a MRI room. The medical instruments were flying across the room toward the machine. Truthfully, I never seen One scalpel the whole time I was there. I think Hollywood had me more worried than I needed to be.

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  21. Just wonderful! This is publishing material, one story for your someday book! It couldn't have been any funnier or more real. The sad part is, for most of us with overactive minds, the stream of consciousness runs much like this most days, often far far away from any actual conversation or events taking place in the room! I've often likened it to a hamster running in the wheel, and at times you'd really like to shut the damn thing down!

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    1. Thank You Josie.
      I've had times where the conversation gets less than stellar, I have to fight to stay focused or my mind will end up someplace completely different. Hamster wheel indeed! :)

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  22. That was great! It made me chuckle. Those machines are terrible. I've had to do them several times too. Once for 45 minutes - ugh!!! Good luck with your shoulder.

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    1. 45 MINUTES! UGG! They would have to strap me in!
      Thanks Elsie. :)

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  23. I went through the same thing when I got a CAT scan, although I was so drugged up I don't really remember anything more then the machine kept talking to me telling when to breath and when to hold my breath. It was the closest to a distopian machine future as I ever want to come.

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    1. That does sound a little freaky. I had assumed drugs might help in this instance......maybe not so much?

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  24. Nicely done with this one. I had an MRI years ago and remember how crazy it was. Don't think I had all those thoughts back then, but if I needed one now, something tells me I would!

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    1. I was actually going along pretty calmly until the table rolled into that tunnel. Then the dam sort of just burst.

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  25. Oh my goodness. I had a CAT scan not long ago and had to take half a valium to get through it without freaking. Even slightly drugged I kept wondering if my fillings would be pulled from my teeth.

    "I wonder what's happening on twitter?" - hee hee!

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    1. Tooth fillings are something that did cross my mind a some point during the 15 minutes I was in there. But my teeth didn't seem to be giving me any issues so the thought was fleeting.

      3 months ago, the Twitter thing wouldn't have even been an issue.

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  26. Haha, this is great! Well written Dan. I'm glad you didn't explode. Hope you feel better soon otherwise.

    Great job!


    Michael A. Walker
    Defying Procrastination

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    1. Thanks Michael, I'm glad I didn't explode either.

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  27. Haha that was awesome, Ken. Especially your stream-of-consciousness that only lasted two seconds!

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    1. Thanks.
      There wasn't enough room for the thoughts that went through my head the whole way.

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  28. Having had several of these awful things I got a laugh at your two second mind sprint. Something about the confined space, loud noise and vibrations get me freaking out every time.

    Hope it turns out well.

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    1. Thanks so much. I'm sure everything will be alright.

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  29. I'm so comfortable in those MRI machines now that I just fall asleep.

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    1. That sounds like a super power to me!

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  30. Wow. You think like that too?

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    1. Seems it's not as uncommon as I though. Thinking about setting up a support group!

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  31. I was having deja vu when I read this because a few months ago my husband got an mri and had gotten lead paint and metal fragments in his eye in the military years ago and they were quizzing him mercilessly.
    He was fine, the shoulder is not. He has a torn labal joint and since he will not slow down with lifting and such, they gave him exercises to do instead of surgery.
    You are too funny with your thought processes!

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    1. I have a worry that the doctor might tell me that I need to do something that's going to be hard to. Like taking it easy right about now. It's coming up on my busiest time of the year.

      I hope your husband will be able to eventually get the surgery he needs.

      Thanks for stopping by. Nice to see you here. I've been stalking your sight a bit. I feel bad about that. That's why I followed you. So I could show up in good conscience. :)

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  32. If you have got superpowers, it won't be nearly as cool as hulk-power. It'll be something lame like super-chewing or the ability to warm chairs twice as fast when you're sitting on them.

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    1. The chair warming thing might not be so bad?

      When I crawl into bed on a cold winter night, my wife always tells me to keep my cold ass away from her. Maybe I could warm things up and get to the cuddling that much quicker?

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  33. About 20 years ago and further, tattoo ink was sometimes comprised of small fragments of metal as well as other ingredients. This was long before tattoos were ever regulated and before more serious thought was given as to the safety of tattoo ink ingredients. Some MRI patients who have had tattoos that dated back far enough to have received ink that contained metal bits have reported slight discomfort to severe pain during an MRI scan.

    Today, it is not really an issue, but the concern is still there.

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    1. That's good to know. I guess there's probably a few things people did to their bodies 20 years ago or so that we're finding out now, probably weren't the smartest thing?

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