#156. or, Piss and Vinegar

Do you remember a couple posts back, where I went on and on about the terrible bout of the flu that my wife and I were dealing with? At least I think I wrote that post, although, I may have only imagined it in my delirium.

  Anyways,  it's been a few weeks now, and to tell you the truth,  I don't really feel like I've completely recovered from it. I mean, I'm not suffering from a debilitating headache or alternating between, one minute shivering cold, and the next, sweltering hot. I just seem to have this nagging cough and feeling like I can't catch up on my sleep. Of course, part of that could be due to the fact that I actually, CAN'T catch up on my sleep this time of year. Or, it might just be that I'm old.

  Part of the plan my wife devised to deal with this, while we were standing in the aisle at the Wal-Mart, was that I should be on some sort of once a day, multivitamin. My part of the decision was that I got to choose which multivitamin was suited specifically to my needs, based on my age, body mass index and the particular workload, my day to day life entails.

  I chose the awesome blue bottle with the word "MEN'S" across the label in bold type.

  As soon as I got home, cut away the protective cellophane, bested the child proof lid, sliced through the foil bottle seal, and dug out enough cotton to stuff a throw pillow, I knew right away I had made the right decision. From the size of these pills, they had to have some of every vitamin in the alphabet in them. Being the size of my thumb, they're a little tough to choke down, but as long as I take them before my wife leaves for work, just in case she has to give me the heimlich, it's all good.

    Now, I'm pretty sure that legitimately, I'm getting some benefits from these pills. And as awesome as I'd like to believe that I am, I'm not so bold as to believe  that my body was topped off on every vitamin in the spectrum. But in the week or so since I've been on these vitamin pills, I think those levels have slowly risen back to where they need to be, or even beyond.

   Despite the fact I still feel a tad shitty.

  I think my vitamin batteries are now fully charged. And like I've said, while I don't quite feel completely up to snuff it seems, because of the surplus of vitamin-ly energy coursing through my veins, I've developed luminescent pee. In fact, my pee has become so brightly charged, I'm confident that if I were to pee in a water bottle, Frodo and Samwise, and the other hobbits, could have used it to light their path, all the way from The Shire, to the bowels of Mount Doom. Of course, that would have also given up any element of surprise they would have had, so that may have been a bad example, but still, you get what I mean.

  I realize, that there's also a pretty good chance that this is all just an unfortunate side effect of taking these pills. But if that's the case, I think that the manufacturers are missing a golden opportunity here. (see what I did there.)

     If my job was making, "MEN'S" vitamins, and I knew that taking these pills would eventually make your pee shine brighter than the HID lights on my tractor, I don't think it would be too difficult to add a few other dyes to make your pee glow green or blue or even purple? I would imagine that men might line up to buy a bottle of vitamins that, despite the obvious health benefits, would enable you to you use your lightsaber to write your name in the snow in the colour of your choosing. And they would probably make that swooshy humming noise while they did it.

  Given the choice of Jedi's, and taking all things into consideration, if I had to emulate the lightsaber of any one of them, I suppose would probably pick Master Yoda.

    ..............because compared to all of the other Jedi's, Yoda is much shorter, .......um, no......WISER than all the other Jedi's. Ya, wiser.