Monday, December 30, 2013

#179. or, The Clock is Ticking!

  I'm trying really hard here, not to be THAT guy.

  You know that guy. The one who goes on and on incessantly about something he gets to do, while the rest of you are left to suffer in your day to day lives.

  But I'm weak. And if I don't tell somebody, I'm probably going to explode, and that would be unpleasant. So I'm going to tell you, and imagine that you've all just shimmied your asses onto the edge of your seats, leaned ever so slightly, closer towards your screens, and are thinking, "What Ken?" "What is this news that has us all atither?" 

  OK, honestly, I know I'm lucky if you're here blurry eyed, on your 3rd cup of coffee, trying to get through your blogroll in your underwear. But I'm imagining atither, so roll with me on this.

  My winter holidays are less than a month away, and I get to escape this frozen wasteland I call home! (That last sentence used to be all caps, but I went back and changed it because I'm trying to show a little restraint here.) Also, I may or may not have dug my kids' used up Advent calender out of the trash, refilled it with the left over Pot of Golds, Scotch taped the windows shut, and put a palm tree sticker on the 25. 

  I'm a bit excited about this.

  My wife and I, along with young son, are jetting off to Cuba toward the end of January. Because there's nothing like 8 months of winter to make you dream of visiting one of the 5 remaining communist countries left in the world. Actually, it turns out, Cuba is in fact, quite the popular tourist destination for Canadians. And I won't be visiting with any political agendas, but rather, for the rum, cigars, ocean, sun, and sand. Roughly in that order. Also, I may have just pee'd myself a little bit there, imaging myself partaking of all of those things simultaneously. But.....you don't need to concern yourself with that.

  I have this countdown app on my tablet that's been ticking down since I started it, back in frickin October. And like the fireplace channel on the TV somehow mysteriously makes you feel all warm and cozy on the inside, some nights I've laid awake in the darkness, while my family slept, counting down the seconds, dreaming of dancing the Salsa and conversing in perfect Spanish with the locals.

  Unfortunately, the extent of my Spanish is "hola", and even though I have taken Salsa lessons in the past, I seem to lack the ability to move my body in rhythmic unison to the music. My hope is, that if I'm ever called upon to actually do the Salsa in a public setting, any retained knowledge I have on Salsa-ing will spontaneously manifest itself, and I'll be hip-swinging-ly awesome. Not to mention irresistibly sexy. In my imagination, that's how it's going to go down. Rum may play a part in helping me achieve that.

  Nonetheless, the clock is running, and barring mechanical failure or weather related flight delays, when the numbers hit zero, I'll be thrust back into my seat as the pilot pushes the throttle of the plane to maximum, to achieve cruising altitude. Then I'll tuck in my elbows to eat my cellophane covered airline breakfast with plastic cutlery, and enjoy my thimble full of complimentary champagne as we jet off to a communist paradise.

  It's so exciting!

Wheels up in 26 days.  Because it's fun to say wheels up!

  Until then though, there's much to be done. I have to try on all of my beach shirts, make room in my humidor for new cigars, figure out which flip flops I'm going to take, and see if I still fit into my shorts. I suspect, after all of the turkey, ham, and gravy I've consumed over the last week, there might be an issue with that last item.

   I may need to get onto some sort of emergency weight loss schedule to fit back into my shorts, along with building up my tolerance to Rum. Because after all,

  ...........the clock is ticking!

28 comments:

  1. Oh you lucky bastard. It's -43C with the wind chill here. Have a few mojitos for me.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh, I've been there! (-43C) I suspect I may have to do a round for a lot of my friends stuck in the snow. But I think I'm up to the task.

      Delete
  2. I'm green, positively green, with envy! Say hola to Che and Fidel while you're there, eh?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hola Debra!

      Have you ever been there before? I'm not sure what to expect.

      If I happen to cross either of their paths, I'll be sure to tell them you said, Hi! :)

      Delete
    2. I've never been but anyone I know who's been has enjoyed it very much!

      Delete
  3. On the list of all possible New Year's resolutions, building a tolerance to rum should be an easy one to keep. As long as you don't resolve to fit into your shorts during the same time period.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hey Vanessa!

      So......rum in the nude? I like the way you think, Lady! :)

      Delete
  4. Luckily I am not jealous, mainly because I do not like the heat. Or traveling. Or sand. But I hope you have a super awesome time. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hey Holly!

      Travelling always sucks when you have to fix the thing you're travelling before you can go. I've certainly been there! It's not so bad when all the repairs belong to someone else.

      Travelling, heat, and sand. Locked at home in the cold and snow. For me, the decision is too difficult to make. :)

      Delete
  5. So, when you get excited about a trip, you pee your pants? Sounds like urine for a good time (PUNS!). I would love to go to Cuba, there and Puerto Rico are on my dream vacations list. "Donde esta el bano" is a handy Spanish phrase to know. Good luck, have fun.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Greeting, Sir: Von Pickleope!

      A particularly good phrase to know if bladder retention is an issue while excited! (thank you google translate)

      Oddly enough, while researching places, Puerto Rico was on the table. Prior to this, I hadn't really even considered it, but it looks lovely!

      Delete
  6. You got me. I was sitting on the edge of my seat mumbling "God dammit Ken. Just tell me the good news already man!" But that's just me and my everyday friendly mental peanut gallery. Wow! So jealous that you get to see Cuba. We definitely lack anything resembling a good Mojito here, so definitely enjoy on for me. Definitely with the rum and hip swinging. Mine don't even swing without a goodly dose of the good stuff. ;-) Have a great trip!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hey Becky!

      I'm certain it will be wonderful! And I'll add your name to the list of those I'm required to drink for while on my vacation. (the things I put myself through for you people!) :)

      You only had to wait a paragraph! I've been sitting on this since October. Hopefully now this twitchy eyeball will go away? :/

      Delete
  7. Lucky you. I understand Cuba is the Garden of Eden for vintage cars. Take lots of pictures.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That's what I've been seeing on the internet as well, Stephen. Certainly another one of the reasons I'm looking forward to this adventure.

      Delete
  8. Ken, I hope that it all goes down exactly as you imagine it. You certainly deserve it. Happy New Year.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you McGuffy Ann, Happy New Year!

      Really, I try to go into these things with an open mind. If there's a few bumps along the way, I try not to make those ruin the whole trip.

      Delete
  9. Absolutely delighted to read that you are counting down to such a wonderful, and well-deserved adventure. We expect some mighty good blogging to result from this. ENJOY it to the MAX!! Oh, and we want video of that salsa sweetness! :-)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Josie!

      Any video of me dancing would probably break the internet!

      Perhaps I need to start a Ken-abroad series on my page? :)

      Delete
  10. I can teach you Spanish in a hurry, because I took some in high school.

    Try this everywhere you go:

    "El gato lleva una corbata."
    "Fumamos el gato."

    I think those mean "The cat wears a tie" and "We smoke the cat."

    They might not come in useful, but that's all the Spanish I know.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hey there, Katy!

      I'm going to jot those phrases down into my travel notebook, but I'm a little worried that if use "Fumamos el gato" at the airport, I'm going to end up getting up close and personal with some guy and his rubber glove?

      Delete
  11. Color me envious! The beach this time of year? Being able to lay out in the sun? I'll take it!! Go You!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Elsie,

      Thanks! I've been looking forward to this for quite some time! :)

      Delete
  12. Dear Ken friend,

    You can be THAT guy any time you want!!! It's your blog! Go for it!

    Being a fellow wanderer myself, I an beyond ECSTATIC for you!! I do wish I was going somewhere warm here soon, but then again, I would probably not come out of my sweats since I've REALLY fallen off the exercise wagon.....not ready for the shorts/bathingsuit by a long shot. But at any rate, I look forward to living vicariously through you and soak up the warmth through your posts about this exciting trip!

    Can't wait! Have fun!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hello, my friend!

      I'm pretty excited about this! I'm already packing! :)

      I find that this year, I'm not nearly as driven to try to get myself into some sort of unattainable body shape as I have been in the past. Don't get me wrong, I'm not letting myself go, I think I just need to get some stretching in and then I'll be a bit more inspired to hit the track.

      Also, I'm unsure of the internet status where we're going. I'm going to bring my notebook to put ideas into, but I don't think I'm going to commit all that much time toward seeking out a wifi signal. I'm taking my tablet cause it's got my music, and books and stuff on it, and I can also just write the posts on there and transfer them to blogger later. Anyways, I'm hoping to sort of get lost this trip. But a week is a pretty long time, so we'll see. :)

      Delete
  13. Given that you spend most of the year in a winter wasteland, err, wonderland, you are forgiven for being a bit excited.

    I've never been to Cuba but my daughter has and her advice is as follows:

    Never get in a Cuban taxi.

    There. That's it.

    Other than that, if you can say "cerveza", you're good to go.

    Happy New Year!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Suzanne,

      I think it's only a winter wonderland when you're looking at it from the summer. But I may be wrong?

      Never get in a Cuban taxi. Got it! But......they look so.....alluring....

      Happy New Year! :)

      Delete
  14. Thanks, what a good post and informative blog, I will bookmark this blog. Thanks
    Sea Horse shoe games

    ReplyDelete