Friday, June 10, 2022

#215. or, Peeing in the Barn (a poem)

   Yesterday we finished getting our cows onto pasture. It's about a week earlier than they usually go out for us but our feed supply was dwindling and the grass was coming in nicely so it made sense. There's still a few cows left to calf but I can count those on two hands so our time spent in the barn is winding down for another season.

  In my lifetime on this farm, which is the entirety of my life, there have been three different barns. The first was an old log barn with a hayloft that was probably way more decrepit than my childhood memories allow me to recall. It was knocked down to make way for yard expansion. The second was an awesome barn but it unfortunately burned to the ground. And now this third barn is somewhat less than what the second one was but something considerably more than what the first was. 

.........they all have one thing in common. 

 Peeing in the Barn

It occurred to me the other day,

while I was peeing in the barn.

That I've pee'd in lots of places,

not just down here on the farm.

I've pee'd on the side of the road,

with the traffic all in view. 

Cause I had to stop and let it go

before my kidneys split in two.

I've pee'd my name into the snow,

although I have no i's or t's.

So for all intents and purposes, 

it was a less than stellar pee.

I've pee'd while down in Mexico

on a urinal mosaic made of tiles.

Watering down someone's handiwork,

far from home so many miles.

Off the top step of a combine

while I harvest in the fall.

With tremendous arc and hangtime,

like a giant 12 feet tall.

On a vacation at a swim-up bar

I did not have a pee.

So the warmness that you might have felt

most certainly was not me.

Coffee makes me pee.

It's aromatic, 

when the bushes I do douse.

A discerning nose might differentiate

Columbian dark roast from Maxwell House.

And while we're on the topic

of things that make my pee odiferous,

I'm not even gonna mention,

when I feast upon asparagus.

I may have pee'd a little bit

while laughing hard with friends.

It seems to happen more these days

I guess that's why they make depends?

So when I'm old and incontinent

and I've told you all my yarns,

I'll likely just let it go,

and imagine I'm peeing in the barn.