Saturday, March 23, 2013

#148. or, This isn't another post about me whining about not going on vacation.

  Recently, my mom went on a trip to Arizona to visit her friend. She had never traveled alone on a plane before, and so, because I know my way around an airport, the task of seeing her safely on her way fell to me.

  Now, when I say, "because I know my way around an airport", what I mean is that I've dropped people off and picked them at our airport on a few occasions. Also, my wife and I have traveled out of and returned to that airport, a grand total of 3 times. So probably by everyone else's standards, I know absolutely nothing about airports. I've never had to do a transfer or a layover at some major congested hub, where they have moving sidewalks, en route to my final destination. I've never arrived at my destination to discover my luggage  has jetted off in a different direction. I've never had to make an emergency landing due to some major mechanical failure and had to use that inflatable, bouncy castle, slide thingy. I've never flown through a storm. I've never been sniffed by a security dog, tossed into a dimly lit room and body cavity searched by a creepy guy with giant hands.

  Maybe that's why I still love the airport and flying so much. Because each time I go there, it's on a new adventure and I'm filled with excitement and wonder and the knowledge that when I arrive, I'll be in a destination that my wife and I have chosen to see. I suppose having to travel on work related trips and inevitably experiencing at least some of those negative airline issues, on occasion, might eventually  turn you off on the experience.

  But that hasn't happened to me yet.

  I was pretty old when I flew on a large plane for the first time. Like about 7 years ago, old. I had flown in small planes before. My dad used to own a small plane, but I was too young to remember much of that. I've been betrayed by my stomach on numerous occasions. Once, I got moderately ill on a flight tour of the Grand Canyon. I get sick looking out the side window of a bus, or if I go fishing in a boat, and the water is anything other than calm, I'm not going to do so well. So the very first flying, holiday trip that I ever went on, my biggest concern was that I was going to be the guy chucking his guts into numerous wax baggies, the entire flight.

  It was cold the very first time I flew on a big plane. -40 degrees. I don't need to do the conversion on that, because that's the point on the thermometer that Celsius and Fahrenheit are the same. Freeze your ass off in 15 seconds is universal in any measurement of temperature. The thermometer built into my truck stops at -40 degrees and the entire drive to the airport, it didn't rise above that number. It was so cold that when I approached an intersection and pressed the clutch to change gears, the truck stopped moving. But generally, we'll get temperatures like that almost every winter. So it's nothing unexpected. In fact, I've found that the excitement one gets in looking forward to leaving on a tropical vacation, is heightened exponentially to the number of degrees that the mercury dips in the thermometer. If you really want to feel giddy, you can even toss wind chill into the equation.

  We arrived at the airport, parked, checked our luggage, and got through customs with relative ease. Except, of course for the excitement of doing something completely new to us. Good excitement. We found our gate, then checked the board that lists the times of flights coming and going, and the entire thing was red with delayed flights. All red except for one green strip that lists a single flight leaving on schedule. Our flight.

  Apparently, wing de-icer fluid stops working and turns to ice itself at someplace around -37, so no planes could be de-iced. Yet ours was still scheduled to leave. That can be a bit of a confusing mix of emotions. You're happy that yours is the only plane leaving the airport, but also a little worried that your flight crew might be the ones that graduated at the bottom of their class and missed the lesson on cold weather take-offs, because they were out behind the school smoking weed or something.

  Either way, we got on the plane, found our seats,stowed our carry-ons, and strapped in. I looked out the window at the row of planes from every different airline, stranded by the cold weather, too cold to de-ice and depart. Then I noticed the guy with the giant step ladder and the broom, cleaning the wing of our plane, and I think I tightened my seat belt a bit.

  Millions of dollars in technology to get a metal tube filled with 200 or so people into the air and send them safely to a destination on a completely different part of the globe, and our lives are in the hands of broom guy. Nice.

  Anyways. we all get buckled in, and the plane shudders as the engines begin to speed up, and nothing happens. It's too cold for the wheels to turn so they bring in a fat little tractor with bald tires to tow us away. Except it's icy and he has no traction and just sits there spinning his wheels. So a sanding truck comes and does it's thing, the fat little tractor tows us out, and after sitting there, buckled in for the better part of an hour,  we flew away.

  Where we were going was a 5 hour flight. About a half hour in, the discovery was made that one of the toilets was frozen up, and rendered full and useless. Which left the entire rest of the trip with a line up to use the other remaining toilet. Luckily I was able to hold it until we arrived. Actually, I didn't use an airplane bathroom until our 3rd trip. And that was more due to curiosity that necessity.

  We arrived at our destination a few hours late. A few days later bumped into some people whose plane had been on that delayed list the morning we left. They had lost an entire day of their vacation sitting in the airport waiting to get de-iced. They should have called the broom guy?

  In the whole excitement of the event, I had forgotten to take the Gravol pill that I had in the bottom of my pocket until we were well on our way. Turns out that the thing that had me more worried than anything, ended up not bothering me at all.

  Sometimes, my wife and I talk about going on a cruise vacation. I think I might really like it, but I'd hate to be the guy, spending the entire trip chucking his guts into numerous wax baggies.





 

42 comments:

  1. Dude, you probably shouldn't watch the movie, Flight. ;-) And didn't you just hear about the cruise that was stranded in the Gulf of Mexico for like a week? They had no power so the toilets.didn't.work. I've never been interested in going on a cruise, but after hearing about that, I don't think I'd even consider it now! lol

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    1. Hey Bee,

      I did see Flight. I liked that movie, but I'm glad that if everything goes to schedule, I've got plenty of time to get the images out of my head before I fly again.

      If you strand me in the middle of the ocean on a boat, I'm sorry, but I'm doing my business over the side of the ship. :)

      Delete
  2. Wow. And to think I was complaining about it being 12 degrees. I don't even think I can contemplate -40. I don't think I can even imagine -40. I turn into pure survival mode at -7. My hat goes off to you sir.

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    1. Hi Holly.

      I always remember my dad telling me a story of driving a cat at -60, or something like that and he went to know a tree down and part of the dozer blade shattered.

      If I remember correctly, on that trip we had almost a 100 degree temperature swing between departure and arrival destinations.

      Delete
  3. Hey friend!

    Love, love, love airports/flying. I have had some of those, more negative experiences, and I love it still. My airplane horror story would have to be the time I flew from Georgia to Texas with a massive sinus infection. Um, you know that uncomfortable earpopping sensation at take-off/landing? Multiply that by 200 and stab your own head with a garden rake - that is what it felt like. I seriously thought my head was going to explode.

    As for going on a cruise - we've not done that yet. We know people that love it and have had great experiences. The news is riddled with terrible cruise stories of late, however, that have made me wonder if I would want to do it. I don't know!

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    1. Hello, My Friend!

      I suspect that I'd still love it too. I can never get over that fact that we're flying. I love looking down out of the window and seeing the different things going on down on the ground. The cities and the lakes and the farmland. All of it! :)

      Your sinus infection trip sounds terrible! I wouldn't wish that on anybody!

      I don't know about the cruise for sure either. Although, I'd much rather be on a boat that breaks down, than on a plane?

      Delete
  4. I love to fly, because it means I'm going somewhere! I've had some bad experiences, like having to spend a night in a hotel in Nicaragua because our flight was cancelled, but for the most part it's been fine. I have left when they need to de-ice, and it is a disconcerting experience. Even more so if yours is the only plane leaving!

    I have been fortunate to travle a lot, but I have never been on a cruise. I'm curious about it, but always worry I'll feel trapped. But I've thought about at least doing a three day one to see what I think. We should do a blogger cruise! How fun would that be?

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    1. Hey Kianwi,

      I guess, someday, I'll probably have some bad experiences. Hopefully I'll be able to take them in stride and not let them ruin my trip or vacation when it happens.

      I think de-icing is pretty common when I travel. We've always gone in the middle of winter here, so it's usually quite cold. The worst part is having your winter stuff with you when you go to someplace nice and warm. Although, we've come up with a bit of a system to take as little of that stuff with us as possible.

      I'm curious about the cruise as well. One of my friends goes at least 2 times a winter. Sometimes 3 times! He swears by them. I suspect we'll take one sometime. Maybe that blogger cruise? :)

      Do you think they allow that much fun on a boat? :)

      Delete
    2. I vote for the blogger cruise idea. Get all the bloggers from our little circle of the blogosphere together. I'm in.

      Delete
  5. I love to fly also but not sure how I would handle a cruise. I'm afraid I would feel trapped and get sea sick.

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    1. Hi Robbie.

      I'm pretty sure I would get sick. Everybody always tells you that you can hardly tell you are on a boat, yet, there's always the story about the one day that the water was rough and they ran out of sick bags. That would be me.

      Delete
  6. I guess I'm an expert since I've been in all of those situations you've described yourself as not being in. But I've never been de-iced by broom man. That would make me nervous!

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    1. Hi Stacie,

      That's funny! Broom guy freaks you out, but all of the things that scare me are old business to you.

      I hope the creepy guy with the big hands was at least friendly? :)

      Delete
  7. On the last flight I was on, the toilet froze too! The plane had originated in Vancouver and the toilet froze over the Rockies. So we had to wait in Edmonton here while they thawed it out and put in the correct anti-freeze so it wouldn't freeze again. Some idiot in Vancouver had put the "summer" fluid in it.

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    1. Hey Debra!

      I remember the panicked look on peoples faces when they announced we were down to one crapper. You might as well of told them we had just lost one of the engines.

      Summer fluid! Why do they even bother? :)

      Delete
  8. -40 and my de-iced just stopped working. How on earth did a broom solve that physics question?

    Are you retiring someplace warm? (Like the arctic circle)

    WG

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    1. I that had happened today, I would have most certainly gotten a picture, tweeted it and shared it to facebook before we finished buckling our seat belts!

      I was just happy that it worked.

      That's EXACTLY the reason that when people get all excited about going on an Alaskan Cruise, I'm thinking, You must be frickin nuts! We get 8 months of winter! I'm spending my vacation someplace warm!

      Delete
  9. seriously just lmao! thank you!

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    1. You're welcome. :)

      Thanks for stopping by.

      Delete
  10. I don't think I've learned very much from my experiences flying.

    Luggage always ends up in Cincinnati. I've never been to Cincinnati, but my suitcase has more than once!

    Oh, and if I'm traveling with someone of Latino ethnicity, my luggage will be searched.

    That concludes my pearls of wisdom on this topic.

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    1. Hi Katy,

      Obviously, your luggage wants you to go to Cincinnati, and never pack sex toys when you travel with a Latino?

      From now on, whenever I find myself in an airport, I'm probably going to remember this. :)

      Delete
  11. I still love flying, too. But, like you've I've only flown out of our home airport (which does have moving sidewalks, they are awesome) three times. I have however, spent a lot o time in that airport. I had a friend who flew a lot when I was in high school and I took and picked her up quite a bit. Also, we used to go sit in the terminals and people watch. Of course that was way before 9/11.

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    1. Hi Chrystal,

      After my mom had left, the last time I was there, I wandered about a bit and found the place where you can sit and watch the planes come and go. If I have time, I think I'm going to try take my kid there sometime, just to sit and watch,

      Of course, he'll probably rather play games on his phone.

      Delete
  12. Wait until you miss a connecting flight. That is nerve wracking, especially when on a tight schedule to get to your destination.

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    1. I suspect that I may crumble if I ever find myself in that situation. I don't look forward to that day.

      Delete
  13. -40???? I have never even experienced temperature in the teens. I can't fathom it. My brain is a little overwhelmed with the idea now, and I can't get past it...
    I love flying too, even when it's stressful. I've missed flights, been re-directed, stuck on a plane for four additional hours during a brown-out at LAX; still love it, since it means I get to travel. :)

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    1. Hi Natalie,

      It's not always that cold. In fact, we didn't quite make it there this year and only got to -37, or something like that.

      I'm pretty sure that when I eventually get to experience some of that stuff, it won't turn me off of flying either.

      Delete
  14. I don't understand flying and it freaks me out. I still do it, but only after three or four very overpriced shots. I couldn't handle flying out of a cold region, that would have had me in full blown panic.

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    1. Hey Jules!

      That's something that's on my list of things to do. Have a few at an airport lounge.

      Only half of our trips are out of cold regions. The other half, we're coming home. :)

      Delete
  15. I too love to fly because it means I'm going places and right now, take me away from this blowing slush. To tell the truth, and I'm not a nervous flyer at all, seeing my plane de-iced is not my favorite thing. What if they didn't get it all off and the takeoff....

    Glad you got away. You'd be fine on a cruise. Only a night or two when the ship travels through a pass, more open water, is it rolling. Get one of those bracelets and go enjoy the crazy cocktails!!!

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    1. Hi Gina,

      I'm pretty sure that I remember you tweeting about some drinks by a pool or something not all that long ago? :)

      It's almost summer, I'm hoping to see some of my snow disappear this week.

      I think I would be fine on a cruise. But until I experience it, I think that touch of apprehension in my mind will always be there.

      Delete
  16. I've been on one cruise and I didn't think I was a cruise person, but I absolutely loved it. Now though...I'm a tad worried. Maybe just as long as we all stay away from Carnival, right? ;)

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    1. Hi Linda,

      I don't really worry about a couple bad things happening. The chances of it happening to me are pretty slim. (but I agree, maybe we'll stay away from Carnival, just in case.)

      Delete
  17. I think I will still to vacationing places where my car can go. ;-)

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    1. Hi Tami,

      That's how we vacation in the summer. We tow our camper out by a lake and sit around the campfire. I'm looking forward to that now. :)

      Delete
  18. "Freeze your ass off in 15 seconds is universal in any measurement of temperature." - hahahaha, I actually choked a little at that one - and had to share it with a friend! Hilarious!

    I'm so glad you get away from that kind of weather every year, just the thought of it scares the bejeezus out of me!

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    1. I wish we could go every year! Unfortunately, the best we can afford right now is every 2nd year. If there's any positive to be taken from that, it's that we get a whole year of anticipation, waiting for our next trip.

      10 more months, and counting! :)

      I'm glad I was able to make you smile. :)

      Delete
  19. I have a co-worker who has never flown before. Some people are shocked when she mentions this. I think she shares in your excitement about the possibilities of flying. I hope that when she does travel on an airplane someday, however, that she doesn't share in your experience of the non-functioning toilet.

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    1. Our kids had never flown before wither. We took them along with us on out 2nd trip and I was doling out the info to them like I was a seasoned traveler.

      Really, it's not that much different than riding a bus. Aside from the hurling through the air at 600 mph thing? :)

      Delete
  20. No more weekend at vagas now we look to a cruise. Enjoyed that Ken. Hey I'm having trouble figuring out when the writing in happening @ Dude Write? could you send me a link to orbisplanning@gmail.com and point me in the right direction? thanks.

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    1. You're right Sam, I now look forward to a weekend that may contain some drinking, rather than a weekend OF drinking!

      Delete
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    ReplyDelete