4:45 a.m., and I'm nowhere closer to that all elusive, peaceful sleep, than I was at 3:45.
Except, I'm aware that I've failed at my attempt, with the small percentage of my brain I've allotted to ignoring the mosquito bite on my right middle toe, and inadvertently used it to scratch the heel of my left foot, unleashing a flood of euphoria that will most likely end up with my right middle toe being scratched into a bloody mess.
I didn't actually want to get out of bed, on the off chance I accidently missed catching hold of the sleep that's been dancing playfully on the periphery of my brain. My brain, that seems instead to be content with racing through my great list of unfinished jobs at 100 miles per hour, since around 2:45 this morning.
Yet, I've begun to string together a mix of words that are too good to ignore, and I know if I don't write them down, and I do happen to fall asleep again, they'll be lost forever. So that's why, at 5:45, I was sitting in the bathroom, scribbling words into my notebook, that have become sentences, which have in turn become paragraphs, and by 6:00 a.m., I've moved to the computer, because I need to write them down.
Write them down.
I've noticed the words have pushed all of the other noise out of my head, and it's now quiet enough in my brain, I could probably fall back to sleep. But now, it's the words that need to get out.
Like I'm some sort of writer or something?
The thing is, I don't really call myself a writer. I say, "I'm someone who likes to write." Which is sort of the same, but not quite. It's about as close as I can come to calling myself a writer, without actually saying the words. Sitting right there, dancing playfully on the periphery of my brain, like elusive sleep at 3 in the morning.
I wonder if sitting on the toilet in the middle of the night, jotting words into a 3x5 notebook with a pencil, because you don't want to let them get away makes you a writer? Hopefully it does. I think I'd like to be a writer.
Maybe I am a writer.
.........a writer with a crazy itchy, right middle toe.