Sunday, October 13, 2013

#172. or, The Not so Pumpkin Spiced Latte

  My wife likes a little coffee in her creamer, enjoyed from a cup that holds about a third of the contents that our coffee pot will produce. And there's nothing wrong with that. I on the other hand, start my first cup with a splash of the hazelnut creamer we've been using, and gradually fade to black by my third cup. I tend to slam them hard and fast. Like when you try to burn through that tray of drinks you bought at last call at the social and now they're playing that last slow song before they turn on the lights and send you home, and you still have Forty dollars worth of booze in front of you. Because if my wife goes back for refills on that pail she's using for a coffee mug, I'll be done, and will have to wait for coffee time to continue my recharge.

  We tend to go through a bit of coffee.

  October, over the last few years, has brought on an inundation of an all new coffee phenomenon. The pumpkin spice latte.

  Now, my nose isn't all that sensitive. You'd think from the size of it, I could smell like a dog. That's to be able to smell as well as a dog can, not smell like the dog does, because I know there are days I come home from doing what I do, stinking worse than the dog. I believe my olfactory senses have been somewhat dulled by a perpetual onslaught of a combination of agricultural chemicals and cow shit.

  I can smell some, but not great. I've been tricked more than once, coming home to a house filled with the delightful aroma of what I'm certain is fresh baked cinnamon buns, only to discover an apple/nut/cinnamon scented candle burning. So, there is the association with smells connected to certain things in my memory.

  Pumpkin spice. It sounds wonderful. Like something you want to eat, but when I hear those words, I can feel my synapses trying, but firing off  blankly in my head. I want to associate it with something. I remember my childhood, and from carving pumpkins with my kids, the damp musty smell of pumpkin guts in a bucket beside the table. That's not it. I remember leaving the Jack-O-Lanterns my kids carved, sitting out a little too long because of their attachments to things created from their own hands, and having to scoop it off the side walk with a shovel because it had begun to liquefy. That's not it either.

  Usually I end up settling on pie.

  I don't do much baking. In fact, I don't really do any baking. But I have a suspicion that pumpkin pie is less about the pumpkin, and more about the elegant mix of spices and flavourings added to it. My Grandmother was a prolific vegetable grower, and coming from a time when you used every damned thing you could produce, she would trick me into eating cakes made from zucchini or beets, that I had no idea were vegetable based products. Until she told me, which I'm certain she got some sort of perverse pleasure from.

  Anyways, it's my suspicion that the pumpkin is like a blank canvas that conforms to whatever concoction of flavourings that you blend with it. And because it's the season of harvest and Halloween, and sitting wrapped up in a warm cozy blanket, reminiscing over the past summer, while you sip a warm beverage consisting of roasted beans, the major producers of coffee-to-go, have seen fit to play upon our nostalgic memories to sell more product. I've tried those beverages from two of those coffee-to-go companies, and have been left...........wanting. Not to mention  feeling somewhat misled by the advertising with pumpkins all over them, when they should probably have nutmeg and allspice and some other thing I can't put my finger on, rather than pumpkins.

  I can't really blame them, even though I didn't care for either pumpkin spice latte. They're advertising did, in fact, seduce me into buying their seasonal products, on two separate occasions. So they're moving a lot of coffee, to people who normally wouldn't spring for something like that. Plus, I'm certain there was fevered debate by a bunch of suits in a boardroom somewhere, whether or not to go with the pumpkin spice latte, or the roasted turkey, mashed potato and gravy cappuccino. I think they probably made the right choice.

  ............that being said, if I could come up with a coffee flavouring to make you subconsciously reminisce for colourful wrapping paper and bows, and decorated evergreens before Christmas, I could make a million.



I Don't Like Mondays Blog Hop

21 comments:

  1. It never fails to be a pleasure to stop by here and read something new! You had me smiling at those "lovely" descriptions of pumpkin scents we remember all too well! I agree that pumpkin has more to do with the spices than the vegetable itself. Though I prefer sweet potato pie, it has a richer taste! My Grandma was also the master of baking with veggies... her chocolate zucchini cake was a winner! :-) I not a coffee drinker, but I so agree that our choices are tied up with our memories and anything that can trigger Christmas is sure to be a winner.. though I 'm not so sure pine tree flavoring is the way to go! :-)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hey Josie, nice to have you drop by. :)

      I'm a pretty big fan of sweet potatoes as well. They don't seem to get all that much love up here though. I was always in awe of my Grandmothers ability to make those cakes, but beets? You can never have enough pickled beets! I don't know what possessed her to make a cake out of beets.

      Upon reflection, I think that might be why I'm a scotch drinker. The hint of evergreen I sometimes get reminds me of Christmas.....maybe? :)

      Delete
  2. I always find pumpkin flavouring disappointing in anything other than pumpkin pie. For example, pumpkin cheesecake is never the delight you think it's going to be at the start.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hey Debra,

      I know, it's terrible! Same goes for anything watermelon flavoured. Except for watermelon of course. :)

      Delete
  3. Ken, you are a pleasure. You often say things that Bill does. Thank you for that. It is wonderful to know that there are men left who are sincere and real. This post made me smile; I needed that. Thanks.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi there McGuffy Ann!

      Thank you for that! I just am who I am, and hope that comes across each time I push that publish button.

      I've had a bit of a string of posts about the troubles I've been having through my harvest and wanted to wander off in a different direction. If it made you smile, that's good enough for me. :)

      Delete
  4. Starbucks did it. Peppermint mocha. Pumpkin anything, blech!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hey Funny!

      Damn those people at Starbucks. Maybe I can try to come up with a Boxing Day delight? Anything make you think of Boxing Day?

      Delete
  5. I enjoy the SMELL of pumpkin spice coffee more than the actual flavor. In reality, I'm a splash-of-half-and-half girl all the way. However, pumpkin pie? Sign me up!! That's my favorite. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Natalie,

      Oh, I believe that pumpkin pie is the gold standard by which all pumpkin flavoured things are measured, and fall short of. I think it's at the top of my list of favourite pies as well.

      Delete
  6. I haven't been able to smell in over 4 years. Not really. A side effect of a surgery. Anyhow, I don't understand the thrill over the pumpkin spice stuff. Granted, I don't like coffee either.

    Thanks for stopping by my page. It gave me the chance to see your great blog.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Denise, welcome! :)

      Sorry about the smelling thing. That must be tough?

      I didn't become a coffee drinker until late in life, but now it's a staple. Almost always without pumpkin spiced flavouring. :)

      Delete
  7. I'm a liquid crack in a cup kind of girl. Give me four shots of expresso with some cream in a cup small enough for two year old to handle and I'm good. Now make that smell like pumpkin pie and I'm all in.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I've tried to do some of that extra strength coffee and I'm not quite there yet. It's only been recently that I've begun to wean myself off of all the creamers. I still like it, but am finding I'm not getting the taste of actual coffee as much as I like. I've never done any of those coffee shots. :)

      Delete
  8. Pumpkin is really quite gross. It needs all the help it can get. We made two kinds of pumpkin muffins on the weekend. Neither were much like we remember Mom making. We came to the conclusion she used the ready pumpkin pie filling in the can all spices included, cause our organic nothing but pumpkin did not render the same tasty results.
    I like coffee strong and black. No funny stuff added. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hey Kait!

      So, if my wife and I were to pop over one day, we could expect black coffee and inadequate muffins? :)

      Delete
  9. I am a sucker for pumpkin anything. Even if it is terrible. Really terrible. I buy a pumpkin doughnut every year from the gas station even though it tastes awful. I will drink pumpkin beer even though it also tastes kinda bad. I even attempted to grow my own pumpkins.

    I have a sickness is what I am saying. A pumpkin sickness.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Holly,

      I hesitate to even tell you this, but I bought a bottle of pumpkin beer the other day. It wasn't really anything special, and I couldn't tell if I could taste a hint of pumpkin, or my brain was telling me it was there because it said so on the label. I think I may have the pumpkin sickness too. Is there a cure?

      Delete
  10. Ken my friend!
    Ironically, today is my fall 'break' as I sit here to catch up on some blog reading and find yours about pumpkin spice lattes. :) I just made a second pot of coffee (switched to decaf so I'm not skating on the ceiling by noon), sipping it from my thick, white mug I bummed from the Waffle House around the corner (favorite mug - makes the coffee better ;)). I had also JUST lit my favorite fall candle - mulled apple cider. So it was fun to read your post at just the right time!

    Funny, I never thought about the fact that pumpkin-scented/flavored things really don't ACTUALLY smell or taste like pumpkin in its raw form. Thank GOODNESS. Ew. You're right - its the spice and added flavors that make it the unique scent/taste that harkens crisp air, changing leaves and cozy fall days.

    Now I LOOOOOVE pumpkin pie WITH a good cuppa joe, but not combined. I am pretty much a plain creamer (just a splash) kinda gal. All those flavored creamers leave this...this...funky aftertaste that I just can't tolerate.

    My coffee flavor that evokes thoughts and pleasant memories of the holidays has already been replicated, but NOTHING compares to the original: large coffee with Bailey's Irish Creme. Mmmmm mmmm mmmmm....

    ReplyDelete
  11. Pumpkin pie. It just makes life better. Scotch helps too.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Pumpkin pie for me is pretty much all about the whipped cream. I love pumpkin, but at least here in the US, pretty much every dang thing is pumpkin right now, and it's a bit of an overload. I don't want pumpkin flavored breakfast lunch and dinner, although I do confess that the pumpkin chili I made was quite delicious, since I am not a big fan of kidney beans.

    ReplyDelete