Monday, February 03, 2014

#184. or, Cuba Dooba Doo!

   OK, I'm back.

   Alright, you're probably  thinking, "What? You were gone somewhere? I hadn't really noticed that you'd left the room."

  But I was. My beautiful wife and I, along with the boy, were living it up in Cuba over the last week. And while I was there, I spent most of my time thinking about all of you, back at your homes, living your day to day lives, wishing I was there with you all, while we try to muddle through.

  Honestly, that didn't happen. Well, Cuba did. But I didn't really think about you guys. You were probably there, somewhere in my brain stew, but in all fairness, I was too busy vacationing to take any notice.

  Sorry for that.

  This isn't the post about Cuba. It's a post about being in Cuba, and I suppose, by extension, it might even be a travel post. That's because so few exciting and noteworthy things happen to me that I fully intend to milk as many posts out of this as I possibly can. Consider this fair warning.

  So, here goes.

  Ken-inatractor's observations about vacationing in Cuba.  (or, anywhere.....or even nowhere for that matter)

  1. When you fly to a holiday destination, then back home from that destination. From the very same airports. The flight home is going to be considerably longer. I know this, because going down took 1 movie and 2 sit-com episodes, while coming home took 2 movies and 2 of the exact same sit-com episodes. It has something to do with holidays and the space-time continuum, and it's the same reason 7 days in the sun, by the pool, actually only feels like 4. It's science and shit.

  2. Just because you flew to a destination with people, stayed with some of them at the same resort, or crossed paths again while on various excursions, does not make it alright to fart on the plane while flying home.

  3. Moustaches and snorkelling, don't go together so well.

  4. Never ever take for granted, the wonder and privilege, of proper and efficiently working plumbing. This is important because a radical change in diet, is probably going to effect you in 1 of 2 negative ways.
   
   a. You will be awakened in the wee hours of the morning by noises from the bathroom, of sounds emanating from somebody's backside, similar to what it sounds like when your tractor drops a valve at 2500 RPM.

   b. You will be awakened in the wee hours of the morning by noises from the bathroom, with sounds made by someone trying unsuccessfully to get something to exit their backside, similar to what it sounds like when your tractor drops a valve at 2500 RPM.

  Neither outcome is going to be pleasant, and when the plumbing you are using requires multiple flushes at the best of times, it's a mess that nobody should have to deal with. Unless you intend to avoid eye contact with the housekeeping staff for the entire duration of your stay, you better be leaving her a substantial tip.

  5.  While travelling off the resort, people expect to be tipped for everything. Now, I don't mind at all, paying for a service provided, but there were far too many instances where people sat on chairs outside of the public wash-rooms and grunted toward a saucer, expecting a buck because I went in there and pee'd. I'm much happier to leave a tip, if they're at least making an effort to supply you with paper or something. But if I brought my own, and all they're doing is sitting there, I shouldn't really have to pay. That being said, the one woman who came into the bathroom and sang to me while I sat in a stall, went far above and beyond anything that should happen in the crapper. She got a dollar even if having her there created a bit of performance anxiety, and prevented me from doing what I had gone in there to do in the first place.

    a. The same thing applies to the musical groups that travel from table to table, wanting to serenade me while I'm having my meal. It was really nice to have the first 3 or 4 times and I was happy to partake of, and tip for the experience. But, by the 7th time in 4 days, and when our table is having a pleasant conversation and politely decline the service, I don't really appreciate the dirty look when I don't put anything in the basket because they turned around and played for the table adjacent to ours.

  6. A table full of French people is really really loud!

  7. While I'm on vacation, I do try to take time to relax. Yet, I still find time to walk for miles on the beach, check out every available amenity on the resort, go on tours, drink a bit, see an evening show, shop, watch people, and every thing else I can cram into the day. But when I'm at home, every job is a pain in the ass, and I just want to sit down.

  8. When you fly into Cuba, before they can open the doors of the aircraft, one of the flight crew has to walk down the isle, spraying some sort of bug killer, to prevent illegal foreign insects from entering Cuba. However, when you leave, there was no bug spray involved. I suspect this may be part of a Cuban plot to take over the world, one bug at a time.

    a. Speaking of bugs, it seems I may be immune to Cuban biting insects. My wife came home, speckled and itching with numerous bites, and I have none. But that could also mean that I'm just a sour old bugger, and like the mysterious brown lumps in the buffet at the resort, it was better just to carry on and not ask any questions.

  There is probably more I could add here, but everybody hates long posts, so for now, this is the end. Hopefully, over the next few days, we'll get some of the pictures together, and I'll do a proper post on Cuba. It was a wonderful place to visit and the the people were, for the most part, awesome.

   ...........as long as you weren't using the wash-room.






elleroy was here







36 comments:

  1. Glad you had a good time. I've learned that in foreign countries the person with the hand out at bathrooms is the person who cleans and maintains the restroom. If it's clean I don't mind leaving a few coins.

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    1. Hi Stephen,

      I realize this is the case, and the ones who do this are doing it to feed their families. I don't mind so much in those cases either. I do think I should be able to go in and make the judgement for myself though, because there was a couple times they wanted the money up front. Those instances left me with a bad taste in my mouth.

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  2. Lol, that is pretty much the sum of it! Sounds similar across the ocean where we were.... However I never got serenaded in the bathroom!

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    1. Hey Maria!

      I've been enjoying your pictures. Unfortunately, internet is a bit sketchy in Cuba, so we have to go through and sort them out now.

      Glad you had a great time. Even if you didn't get the musical crapper treatment.

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  3. I read this aloud to my husband. Clearly the bathroom parts made him laugh the loudest.
    Photos requested please,

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    1. Hi Funny!

      Aloud to your husband! I'm not certain I've ever thought of anything I've written, as to be read aloud. Thank so much!

      Photos are coming. :)

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  4. Being serenaded in the crapper? Man, you wuz livin' the high life! Glad you had a good time (despite the various bodily function woes).

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    1. Hi Debra!

      No doubt, eh! Them Cubans love Canadians. :)

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  5. hilarious when read. smelly when in person. a friend just came back, too, and has posted approximately 2.24 million photos on facebook. i looked at 3. cool, though ~

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    1. Thanks! I suspect I'll have a ton posted to facebook as well. I'm hoping to hold myself to about 5 here. I guess we'll see how it works out. Blogger and photos, sometimes have issues.

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  6. Ken my now more tan friend!

    (I am making an assumption that you are, in fact, more tan, not having seen proof - i.e. pictures.) I'm with Funny - Pictures requested please.

    So glad you made it back (oh wait...do you WANT to be back? Otherwise, wishing you were back THERE in the sun - either way. Glad you're HERE!)

    I'm rambling but it is 4 a.m.and I was jolted awake with the snoring issue and thought I'd catch up a bit on commenting so here I am!

    Oh my.....So Montezuma' revenge strike? Ew....That's just, well....ew. For all involved. The people you happen to be bunking with who had to hear all the goings on in the bathroom and the poor housekeeper who has to, daily, clean in there the next day. Oy.

    I do hope the rest of your trip was delightfully uneventful, in the best possible way.

    I completely relate to #7. I can grumble and groan to have to get up and do various and sundry tasks at home (Crap! The alarm's going off already?! I have to get up???) but then on vacation, I am up and at 'em with the sunrise, hitting the sand to walk for MILES and do anything and everything in one day to fit it all in, and feel great!! Get home - the body knows this and starts in on the creaking, therefore initiates my grumbling. Go figure.

    Can't wait for your upcoming posts and pics! I'm one of the rare few that actually like long posts! Don't mind at all!

    Yay! Ken's back!

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    1. Hello, my friend!

      Yup! I've got a little colour on me. And I like it! :)

      My wife and I were talking that 7 days is hardly seeming like enough any more. It takes almost 5 to completely settle in and then it's time to go. I'm not sure I could get away for 2 weeks, but 10 days is looking quite nice to us.

      One of those bathroom scenarios was actually from my son. We all had some issues down there, but they were't all bathroom related. It's my suspicion we foolishly were trying to conserve our drinking water and got a bit dehydrated. But the diet was pretty different as well, so whose to say.

      As I'm typing this, it's beginning my 3rd day home, and I'm only now feeling like I'm getting caught up on my sleep.

      I'm not sure how many pictures I can successfully post here, but I'll do what I can. Cuba has such an interesting history.

      Luckily for you, you should be able to see the whole works when they go up on facebook. We've just been busy unpacking and laundering and such. :)

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  7. I'm glad you had a good time :-)... Getting away from all the cold and snow must have been absolutely lovely. Hope you got some new energy and charged your life batteries :-).

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    1. Hey Annika!

      It was a fabulous get away. I'd go back to Cuba in an instant! Or, as soon as I can afford it again. :)

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  8. I'm so jealous you enjoyed warm weather. Although, I'm not too jealous…I can't stand tummy issues. But, then again, who can stand? You have to sit.

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    1. Hi Elsie,

      It wasn't as bad as it sounds. We all suffered from some ailments while we were there, but the food was no where as bad as everything I had read about, going into this. It was a good holiday. :)

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  9. Glad you made it back safe. Now I feel silly for taking my winter vacation in Winnipeg.

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    1. BirdMan!

      Dude, If I was as hard core as you, to take my winter vacation in Winnipeg, there's nothing in this world I wouldn't be able to accomplish. I'm much softer. Kind of like toilet paper.

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  10. Woo, I was cracking up at this one. I would never have thought of taking a trip to Cuba, but mostly that's because I don't know anything about it, except that they have really good cigars? Not sure if that's even true anymore :)

    Loved this and definitely looking forward to more Cuban trip stories!

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    1. Hey Kianwi!

      You betcha, they still make some of the best cigars in the world there! In fact, I brought some of them home!

      It's a beautiful place and the people are as about as friendly as anyplace I've ever been. Unfortunately, it's really difficult for US residents to travel there.

      I have more stories, but we've been too busy getting caught up at home to get our pictures on the computer. It's coming though.

      I'd return there without a moments hesitation. :)

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  11. You know, we DID miss you. You're one lucky dude; I'd give anything for a vacation right now. And YES to the "science and shit," I've come to the same conclusions myself.

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    1. Thank you, Natalie!

      It's the same reason time slows to half speed before leaving on the trip, then speeds up to twice the speed in the last 6 hours as you run about making sure you didn't forget anything.

      Hey, I seem to have a heck of a time getting my comments to post to your sight. I'm not sure why that is, but I'm certain I've lost the last 8 or 10 comments. Please don't mistake my lack of commenting as non-interest. I'm still there, even if you can't see me! :)

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  12. Cuba is on my bucket list. Are you glad that you went? Would you go again?

    Farting on a plane is very bad form, and whenever I'm on a plane, I always seem to be in close proximity to someone who has gas and smells like they are dying on the inside. That being said, I love a good fart story, and I like that farts were included here in this post about your Cuban Vacation. I hope you will include fart tales in all of your future Cuban blog installments.

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    1. Hi Karen,

      We're absolutely glad we went! We loved it! I think, of the few places we've been able to travel to, that the people there were the friendliest we've encountered.

      And so much history there! A week was hardly enough.

      I'll see what I can do on the fart tales. :)

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  13. Loved this list! I traveled to Cuba back in 2001, and stayed in an area I later found out was known for prostitution. However, it looked very nice, and I met some lovely people. I didn't stay at a resort, but I heard great music and ate well. I also had some VERY interesting conversations with residents of Havana about homeopathic remedies. :)

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    1. We're by no means, seasoned travellers, and the resort still gives us a bit of a safety net to fall back on. That being said, of the places we've been, Cuba is a place we talked about as a possibility of coming bask to and winging it as we went. It's so beautiful, and the people are warm and inviting. My favourite parts of the trip were getting out into the towns and villages and seeing the way they live.

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  14. You're forgiven for not thinking about us while you were away. I am looking forward to hearing more about your trip. I love to travel, but some of the things you noted always start to wear me down by about day number 8. I always love to get home.

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    1. Hi Marcy,

      Generally, I'm already home by day number 8. We're looking into trying to find a 10 day getaway. I'm finding it's taking me to about day number 5 just to get totally relaxed.

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  15. Sounds like you all had an explosive time! And you're not supposed to think of us on vacation…because…Cuba! We're always floating around in little tiny cyber particles over your head like the kid in the Willy Wonka movie anyway.

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    1. Hey Linda!

      It was so bad, although we all seemed to experience some stomach issues of some sort. It certainly didn't ruin our trip.

      I guess, in a way, you were all there looking out for me? :)

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  16. A serenade in the toilet? How weird is that? Being sprayed with a pesticide before entering the country? Yikes! Funny line about not being sprayed on your exit. Entertaining post :)

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  17. So glad that you had a great vacation.
    I can't stop laughing at the anecdote about being serenaded in the toilet. I had tears running down my cheeks. Can't wait to read more about the trip.

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    1. Hey Cynk!

      Thanks! I can't say for sure if she was actually singing directly to me or not. But she and I were the only ones in there, and she was definitely singing. It was a strange situation to say the least. :)

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  18. Ha! #7! So true (as I sit typing this).

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  19. Very entertaining list, and it sounds like a great vacation! Putting Cuba on my bucket list...

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