Friday, December 04, 2015

#201. or, Don't call it a Man-Cave.

  As it was explained to me, the whole idea made me, for lack of a better word, giddy.

  Since The Boy is the only son that remains in our house, we have a spare bedroom in the basement, and one on the main level. We could renovate that main level bedroom. Rip out the 30 year old carpet and put down laminate. Paint the walls a manly hue. I could put up all my little treasures that remind me of days long since forgotten. Create a space where I could immerse myself in all of my mind calming, inspiring junk and perhaps, sit at my computer and churn out blog post masterpieces, the likes of which the world has never seen.

  The more I thought about it, the grander this room became.

  I could add a bathroom vent fan which would give me the opportunity to smoke the occasional cigar in the winter, while sitting in a leather bound chair, sipping the finest of Scotches in my red velvet smoking jacket and feel the pages of actual books on my fingers as I read from all the great masters.

 This was going to be freaking awesome! The best man-cave, EVER!

  So we got right to work on it.

  Two years ago.

  Don't get me wrong here. An undertaking of this magnitude requires careful planning. It takes time to accumulate just the right furnishings to put together a room that says a brilliant mind exercises its synapses in here, but also I'm more than happy to play LEGO Star Wars video games all night. It's a fine line to walk, and I wanted to feng shui the shit out of it.

  I acquired a leather recliner. Not a new one, but one that came with its own history. Leather, softened by countless butts so I wouldn't have to be distracted by that new recliner smell, or with the inconvenience of needing to create that, this-is-a-chair-for-thinking, time worn look myself. Also it was free, so that played a big part in the decision making.

  We found a small desk to write at, which became a much larger desk with the addition of a pine table that had been hiding in our basement for about ten years. In turn, my desktop computer was added to type my posts into. Then I added a second screen so I could monitor all of social media while I typed out those posts. Plus a desk chair that looks remarkably like an antique tractor seat, because it was uniquely fitting to the persona I've created for myself. And it turns out, it's about as comfortable as you'd expect an antique tractor seat to be, too.

  I used to do my work in my lovely wife's office, and as I moved my things from her office, where I practiced the clutter and stacks of paper method of keeping track of things, she busied herself cleaning and reorganizing her stuff.

  It was about that time when I began to notice that my man-cave was starting to look less man-cavey and more man-officey. Probably due to the, clutter and stacks of paper, method of organizing things I had mentioned earlier.

  I'm beginning to think this whole man-cave idea that my wife came up with was a cleverly concocted plan to get me and my junk out of her office. The other day, I may have walked in on her hugging her newly cleaned desk and giggling to herself, but I can't be sure.

  If that's the case, it only took her two years to play this whole idea out, and I'm not about to cross a woman with that kind of patience and commitment to a plan.

  ...........I'll be hiding in my man-cave.

22 comments:

  1. I've missed reading your posts! So glad you have a man cave (and equally happy that your wife has her woman zen zone :) Michael has a man cave and I'm patiently waiting the day when I'll have my very own spot that I'll fill with flowers and fuzzy things!

    Enjoy!

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    1. Hey there, K!

      I'm working on being back here a little more. Hopefully I can keep that up. This is only my 5th post this year, which is kinda sad.

      Now that I'm out of her office, my wife says that she's definitely putting a Woman Zen Zone sign above her door! :)

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  2. Now don't forget to use some of those cigar ashes to finger paint a couple of stick figures with spears and a Mastodon or two!

    I look forward to each of your posts, and they never disappoint!

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    1. Hey Toni,

      Finally! Don't know how long I've been waiting for an excuse to wear my animal hide loincloth. Loincloths are appropriate cave painting attire, aren't they?

      Thank you, I'm so happy that you're stopping by to read. :)

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  3. I thought when you mentioned that you shared your wife's office that maybe, just maybe, she had a calculated hand in this. Bravo! To both of you! Your posts are always fun to read!!!

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    1. Hi Gina!

      Obviously, you caught on well before I did!

      Thanks so much! :)

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  4. Outsmarted by The Sisterhood again, eh? Great post, I laughed all the way through it!

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    1. Hey Debra!

      I am well aware of the fact that The Sisterhood is outsmarting me on many different things.

      Thanks for reading! :)

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  5. I won't lie to you Ken - I've had visions of a she-cave dancing in my head for about 6 months. A place where I can go and not overhear the latest "King of the Hill" marathon. A place free of clicking Shepherd toenails and squabbling young men. I suspect they would all take it over on me though.

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    1. Hey Vanessa,

      Oddly enough, all of those things you mentioned sound like man-cave staples. Perhaps if you built a room dedicated to that, you'd have the entirety of the rest of the house as your she-cave?

      Probably wouldn't be that easy, would it? :)

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  6. Writers need a space where they disappear down the rabbit hole. I mean, there are some people who can write good stuff anywhere, anytime, but those people are just sick.

    I pace and talk to myself way too much for that.

    I need space for listening to music, too, actually.

    Anyway, I'm glad it's coming together even if it is lower on the testosterone than you'd dreamed! This should mean more frequent blog posts, right?

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    1. Hey Katy!

      I agree about the place to hide. I am always the most creative when I'm left to my own devices. Although, there's plenty of distractions to be had there as well.

      But at the very least, I've eliminated one more excuse from preventing it from happening.

      I'm trying. Working on getting back into the habit of grabbing onto those little wisps of inspiration, rather than just allowing them to drift off. :)

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  7. Hi friend!
    Great to read your posts again!
    This sounds so much like how I do things - take forever to make a change and the whole stack and pile method of organizing. I'm driving myself crazy with it, but do not know how to reform at this point.

    Enjoy your man-office! :)

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    1. Hello, my friend!

      I'm trying really hard to not slip into the stack and pile method in my new diggs.

      Typed as I'm looking at a stack of papers and mail. *sigh*

      I'm trying to write more again. It's a comfortable place where I know all the other things disappear, if only for a little while. Escape which is greatly needed right now! :)

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    2. Escape. That is where I currently reside. *sigh* So sounds like I need to pick up writing again, somewhere, somehow.

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    3. January has been been eventful. An escape to far off shores to hopefully reset myself. Which it did, in a way. But there's only a few days left in the month, and I'm yet to do even one post this month. A post a month is hardly a lofty goal, yet I struggle to achieve it.

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  8. Dude. Your chair is harbouring a hellavalotta farts I bet. (Just like mine.)

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    1. Indeed it is! However, it's hard plastic with holes in it, so I'm hoping they fall right through.

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  9. Haha! "feng shui the shit out of it..." I'd love to feng shui some shit too, but not until we're out of an apartment.

    You need a fountain.

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    1. Hey Red!

      A fountain, you say? I think that might just make me need to leave the room to pee more often. But......a fountain AND a urinal might just be brilliant!! :)

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  10. Ken! Where are you? You've been slacking about as badly as I have. Your fans miss you.

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    1. Hey VV!

      I'm trying. Renovated and decorated an entire room to facilitate blog worth stories to tell all my friends.

      .......still nothing in me head but cricketts?

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