Thursday, May 17, 2012

#87. or, my pathetic retaining wall

  About a month back, as the snow slowly melted from our yard, my retaining wall project, once again reared it's ugly head. I thought, "i should do a post on this retaining wall"

  As things work for me, i began to weave a story in my head. A story about how, over the last three years, i had been collecting flat rocks from fence lines and rock piles to build my retaining wall. It was going to be a grand project. A three level flower bed with a Koi pond, ambient lighting, and a waterfall. Neighbors even saved and brought me flat rocks whenever they came  across them in the field. But after three years, my grand retaining wall looks like this.


Not much to show for a 3 year project.

  I'm probably not going to tell you that story.


  I won't tell you how, as a kid, the very worst job IN THE WORLD was picking rocks. How we would get some other kids together and spend days, walking along side a wagon picking and tossing rocks into it, to clear the field before seeding. How it was dusty and hot and your shoes filled with dirt, so much that when you took off your sock, it went "POOF" and a little dust cloud billowed out of that sock. Or how your feet got so dirty, they looked as if you still had those socks on after you took them off.

  I won't get into how, you couldn't really wear gloves to pick rocks because your hands get all sweaty and then dust and dirt gets into your gloves and makes a mess. Or how at the end of the day, you had a hard time to straighten out because your back hurt so much from stooping over to hoist the rocks off the ground.

  I'm certainly not going to mention, how picking rocks seemed to be the job my dad always chose to do the day after the night before, when i stayed out a little too late, drinking enough that i didn't feel so well the next morning.

  You won't hear me tell you that even though i hate picking rocks so much, i decided to pick rocks for fun to construct my measly retaining wall. How i hunted and dug through piles of rocks to find ones that had just the right shape to be able to stack and turn into a wall. Some of the same piles i had thrown off that miserable wagon as a kid. Or how i had discovered a rock so large and wonderful in a neighbors fence line, that would have been perfect to incorporate into my retaining wall, except for the fact that my loader wouldn't lift it because it weighed too much.

  Why am i not going to tell you all about this?

  Because about a week or so ago, i read a blog about a retaining wall built by Queen Holly The Magnificent. Her wall, is a wall that would laugh at my wall. Her wall would eat my wall up and spit it out like a mouthful of lumpy milk.

 After seeing her retaining wall, i'm a little embarrassed to tell you about mine. Her wall looks like this.

NOW THAT'S A FRICKEN RETAINING WALL!

  She owned that wall! Packed in rocks until she had exhausted her supply then found more and packed them in one at a time across ground that threatened to open up and swallow her whole. And what did she do after she put the last rock into place? Promptly got drunk! That's what! I am in awe of you Holly. I bow before the greatness of you and your wall.

  So now, because i like picking rocks so much, I've decided that i'm going to take down my retaining wall. I'm going to put all those flat rocks into a wagon and move them, one by one, from the front yard to the back to build this.


 ......or maybe this.


  ............i should say, i'm going to try to build something like that. I'm probably lacking the skills to actually build something like that, My stone masonry leaves a little bit to be desired. That and my ambition is a little lacking too. I'm thinking this might be a new three year project.

26 comments:

  1. Ooooh I think you should definitely do that stone path. So pretty! But you can't take down your stylish retaining wall no matter what! You just have to start fresh looking for more stones, bending down and picking them up, carrying them to the front of the house... and placing them in a pretty design for the next three years.

    Alternatively, you can buy them and have them delivered - and then have someone else put them in for you. That's what I would do.

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    1. It has to go. I can't look at it anymore without feeling shame.

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    2. Hey, does the link to Holly's page work? It was there last night but it seems to be gone now?

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    3. Even if you wear your cape when you look at it?

      Yes, it works, I just tried it and it took me to her blog.

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  2. It isn't a bad wall, Ken...It's just, you know...smaller than Holly's wall - which Holy Monkey Butts is amazing! If ever I needed something retained, that is the kind of wall I'd build! I think you should keep plugging at it. Think about all those walls in England. They weren't just thrown up in a day or three years. They took time, right?

    How come you don't have the kids picking rocks for you?? It build character and upper back strength, right?

    By the way, "picking rocks" is seriously fun to say. Like picking blueberries or something else yummy... "Dad! Looks like the rocks are ripe!! We need to get out there and pick 'em!"

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    1. The first thought was "picking noses".

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    2. picking rocks IS more fun to say than it is to do.

      I would take them along when i went to dig through piles to find the ones i could use. Also, i would put the wall back up after they run into it with the lawn mower. You're right, it does help me to build patience. :)

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  3. Yay! Thanks so much for the praise- and yes my blog was down temporally because Google sucks. Anyway, picking rocks here isn't that bad. Although I could have done without having to pick those massive ones. But I love building dry stack stone walls. They are like a puzzle, trying to fit each piece in just so. Oh, how I love stone.

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    1. Actually, the fitting is rather fun. I like that part. It's the gathering that i'm not all that fond of.

      I was worried that i had somehow, inadvertently caused your site to implode by tagging you. I was so happy when you showed back up. And your welcome, it's an awesome wall that deserves some recognition. :)

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  4. The only wall I will ever build in my lifetime is the Wall of Shame! lol

    I have multiple incomplete projects lingering about my home. They have been ongoing for more than 3 years!

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    1. OH, don't worry, i have plenty of other projects that i'm way behind on.

      Your wall of shame is certainly something to be proud of. At least that wall is finished!

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  5. Hi Ken, just wanted to let you know I popped in via Dan's blog.

    I don't see anything wrong with your wall. You spent three years on it, you shouldn't have any shame at all - that's your hard work right there! But, that's just my unasked for opinion. And, it's probably because I have so many things at my house that are unfinished it's ridiculous!

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    1. Actually, since i started it, we decided that it would be nicer and more private to spend the time in our back yard instead of the front. I think stone flower beds and walk ways would get more use around my unfinished deck.

      Nice to meet you Elsie. :)

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  6. I actually thought the start of your wall project looked pretty good, but the new concepts for a walkway or garden wall will be even better, and maybe not quite as time consuming. We have a hundred projects on the drawing board for our place, so far we've crossed over maybe ten. I hope that means I'll have to live until they are all completed, it will be a long, long life!

    I had to smile at your Dad cleverly deciding rock picking day was the day after a bit of partying. I can only imagine how miserable that was, father's have their ways of making statements!

    Everytime I look at the beautiful tractor at the top of your page it makes me nostalgic. My father was a John Deere Dealer for all the years I was growing up, until the day he finally retired, and even then he missed it. Our fun was going to his shop to climb up on the latest new tractor models in the showroom! His nightmares involved finding farmer friends who could afford the biggest ones they were required to sell. They've come a long way since the ones he drove as a farm kid back in the 30's and 40's!

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    1. It was a miserable punishment! Picking rocks or fencing, those were the worst with a hangover.

      Thanks about the tractor picture, my plan is to take some of all the different things i do over the year and change it as we go along. The one in the picture is actually one of the tractors we lost in the fire earlier. New ones are coming! :)

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  7. your wall doesn't look half bad to me....but what do I know? I sit and dream up these things but never have the mo-jo to actually get out there and do it! So good for you! 3 years is a long time for one project, though so I think downscaling it to the flower beds and walkway might show your results faster and you may like it better! good luck!

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    1. well, my wife would like to plant flowers this year so the pressure is on a bit right now!

      Thanks for the follow Robin. :)

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  8. Oh this rings so familiar! I too, have a tendency to lose steam for a project after a while (and three years in, I would definitely be 'over it'). I start with gusto and visions of grandeur only to get sort of bored with it soon. All these ideas are lovely though! I bet you could change it up a bit with what you've already started and make something really beautiful there!

    So far, I'm hiding out inside finding things to do because Hubs is ripping up the front yard and...picking rocks out of it...oof. Don't relish the idea of all that stooping and bending. Going to go be productive now! (think some of my motivation dragged on back home yesterday!)

    Happy Saturday!

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  9. I'm not even sure there's enough rocks there for both those projects. I think the flower beds will take priority. -'d also like to build one of those outdoor brick ovens but I'm a little afraid to start something like that.

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  10. That garden path is beautiful! I had to laugh at your dad's sense of timing.

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    1. at least you knew what was coming.

      I'm afraid if the flower beds take priority, i might not have enough for the path. I guess we'll have to see?

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  11. I think your wall could look like her wall when it's all growed up! It takes a lot of time and patience and the ability to find rocks that fit together like a puzzle. If they don't fit, you whack and smack them with a hammer until it's right. I think your wall is coming along just fine, but if the wife wants a flower bed, then you'd better get going on that to keep her happy. You know what they say "Happy wife, happy life". Or is it Happy wife, less strife? Or maybe something like happy wife, she won't beat you in the head...? I don't know, but it's almost summer so you better get crackin or er, stackin!

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    1. Any one of those sayings will work.

      And yes, there is some satisfaction in getting all those puzzle pieces to fit together. :)

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  12. Your wall looks very wall-y to me. I like it. It shows promise.
    That final pic of a front rock garden you would make, with all those standing stones in the back, makes me think. Perhaps Stonehenge was just a garden project. They gave up making a wall and just stood them all on end instead.

    Your story of picking rocks as a kid was very evocative.

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    1. That would be a pretty impressive rock wall!

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    2. Perhaps they were trying the Great Wall of China thing. You never know.

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