I've been trying to be healthier about the things I do. I wish I made better choices but the honest truth is that I've been having a bit of a difficult time trying to focus on, and commit to the things that I need to do, to actually see a change.
It's not that I don't really give a shit or anything. I do! I want to look better, I want to get into some sort of routine that I can maintain and just be healthy. I want to look good in clothes. I want to stand naked in front of the mirror and not have to suck in any belly or sigh inside because I'm disappointed in what I see. The only way that's going to happen though is if I start to move.
It's week 6 of The Pish Posh 8 Week Challenge and for the last 3 at least, I've been afraid to even stet foot on a scale. When I started this, I thought that I could make a difference by just changing the way I eat. It's a start, I know that it's a big step toward being healthier, but even that has been hard to keep up with.
You know what else sucks? Every fitness related thing that you can join up for in town begins in October. Which I understand, but for me, I can't even begin to think about taking part in anything like that until the middle of November at the earliest.
Sitting in the cab of a combine for 12 hours or more over the course of a day doesn't help. It's been raining in October, but I've spent the days that I can't combine, fixing stuff and trying to prepare things for winter. I think it's safe to say that I'm experiencing a bit of stress as the clock ticks away until freeze up and the list that's already as long as my arm with jobs to do before that happens, seems to grow each day.
So I eat cookies. And sugary crap because it makes me feel better. For a bit. Then I feel like shit because it's....well, sugary crap. That and beer.
It's to the point where my back is sore and I'm living off Advils for the last three days because I've got this nagging headache. And when I get off the couch, or climb over the front of a pick-up to work on an engine (which I've been doing for last couple days) I make this annoying grunting noise. SHIT!
YOU. HAVE. TO. MOVE!
I've been reading the posts of others who've been taking part in this challenge. We all have slightly different goals we're trying to achieve in being here. Whether it's getting fit, doing more writing, or making better life choices because if we don't, well.....you could die! But the thing is, all of the people involved who are doing well at the challenge are making a difference in their lives because they decided to start moving.
I'm going to do something. Anything. Just move. And not be afraid if I go to the track and all I can do is walk. Not be afraid to get on the scale. Not be afraid to stand in front of the mirror and actually exhale. Because I know, while moving is only the beginning, it's a start. And that start is what is going to make me feel better. Better in that, I won't need those damned sugary cookies to boost my mood. Better in that, I'll be making the difference that my body has been asking me to make every time it complains when I try to drag it off the fricken couch because I'm too sore and exhausted to move.
So, there it is. TODAY I WILL MOVE. Tomorrow, October 12th, I'll update this post, and tell you what I did. Whatever it is. Hold me accountable, take me to town. I'm not afraid.
October 12th post update:
So I went to the track last night after supper. Passed up on reading blogs and headed to town at 8:00 PM. I had intended to be there for an hour, but I only did 45 minutes. Now, according to the giant painted sign on the wall, 5 laps is a kilometer. 8 is a mile. I did somewhere between 25 and 30 laps. I was going to stop at the 5km mark, but I'm pretty sure that I miscounted a couple so I threw in a few extra for good measure.
Besides being a little stiff in the hips and legs, I feel pretty good. A little tired maybe. I had intended to roll out of bed when my wife got up to shower and do some stretches, but I fell back to sleep until she returned. By then it was time to get things rolling, so I'll try to add that to my mornings in the next day or so.
I will try to keep this up on some of the evenings that I'm not out in the tractor, until it freezes up and I can set up a weekly routine of going to the track. I've been taking with my wife about zumba. (which is already going.) Everybody she asks says that it's almost always, only women there so I'm a bit apprehensive about showing up there and sweating all over the place. I guess we'll see?
...........OH, also, because this post ended up being way more negative than I had intended, I need to give you something happier to leave you with. The puppies have opened their eyes! That and their doing this awesome little puppy waddle walk. It's awesome! :)