Thursday, December 12, 2013

#177. or, I Need to Get On That.

  Hi, my name is Ken, and I'm a procrastinator.

  It's the 12th of December, and I don't have my outside Christmas lights up yet. There's no good excuse for it, other than it's Winter, and Mother Nature has chosen to hurl down Arctic hell and fury upon us. But as a Canadian, I believe somewhere, deep down inside of what I am, is hidden the expertise to survive prolonged temperatures well into the negative side of zero. Along with an ability to continue using my hands productively, long after my fingers have been reduced to little more than frozen stumps that have no real value, other than making my wife scream when I get into the house and try to warm them up by sneaking up behind her and slipping them into the back of her pants.

  That never ends well.

  But I haven't seen any sign of that evolutionary mutation in myself for quite a number of years. Unless, of course, you count ice fishing. Because if you include that, I turn into a guru of the cold, and can feel the gentle nibbling of a trout on a lure, at the end of 20 feet of 8 pound mono-filament fishing line hanging off my index finger, while sitting on an empty 5 gallon pail, on 3 feet of ice, at 25 degrees below zero. Apparently, putting up Christmas lights doesn't trigger that hidden talent.

  So, my wife has given me the ultimatum, if you don't get those fricken lights up by the end of the weekend, you might as well not even bother putting the damned things up at all! I'm paraphrasing there. She might have used slightly more colourful language to emphasize the urgency of the situation. And while the merits of that notion did, in fact, briefly drift through the icy caverns of my mind, it was quickly blown out of there by the next impending blizzard warning, on my Weather Network phone app.

  Truthfully, it's not like I haven't been thinking about it. Getting the Christmas lights up is one of the places I've been trying to go to when I'm laying awake in bed at night thinking about the crashing grain prices, or all of the snow I need to dig out of the corrals before I can sort and sell my calves. Then I recall, because I don't really take the Christmas lights down till May when the snow finally melts, and I see they're still laying out there, that the puppy ate the ends off of pretty much every extension cord I use, and all of those need to be fixed before I can start. Maybe it's all of the work I need to do prior to being able to put up my lights, that is preventing me from diving into that project.

  I'm a bit of a fan of grand, energy sucking, Clark Griswold-esque, lighting displays. It makes me feel all warm and cozy inside, and sets my heart aglow with the Christmas spirit. So I suppose, it's time I dig out my extension cords, try to salvage anything still usable, and start doing up my yard.

  Yesterday I began where I always do, by plugging in the giant star on the top of our grain tower. And as night fell, and I peered out the window through the falling snow to see how it looked, I saw that there are just enough bulbs burned out on the thing, that it more resembles a giant glowing flat tire than it does a Christmas star.

  That means I need to climb the 100 foot ladder with a bag of bulbs and replace those as well. Except, it's blizzarding right now, and it's pretty damned cold up there. It's supposed to warm up on Sunday.

  .........I think I'll start then.






30 comments:

  1. I have never put up lights outside. Way, way too lazy for that! So I don't blame you a bit. What if you just skipped it one year?? Would the world end? Would the cows revolt? Although I do think you are obligated to change the bulbs in the star, as it is already up!

    And I can't believe you tried to blame the puppy!

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    1. Well, the puppy DID eat my extension cords! But he shall get a 2nd chance this year. If he eats them again, I'm going to have to look at him REALLY sternly!

      When my kids were smaller, we put up a grand display. People would come and stop on the road just to look at it. I would feel bad for them if I just stopped doing it, so I'm just going to try to slowly scale it down. :)

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    2. Oh, you ol' curmudgeon, you...looking sternly at puppies and scaling down rather than stopping cold turkey so as not to upset the people that might stop by!

      You are just so cute :)

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  2. You make me feel so ashamed because I'm in semi-tropical paradise (eh, a swamp) and I'm too lazy to put up even a tree so you with your snow and coldness are my hero. Yep.

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    1. Hey Tracie!

      I could do with some swamp right about now! And, I'm not really hero material. I'm a little too whiny. But thank you for saying so. :)

      Also, I was thinking today, I'm not sure I could get into the Christmas spirit without any snow. Everything else would be fine. I just need a bit of snow for the holidays. :)

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  3. Because of all the snow and cold we got so early in November, our seasonal yard display is not up this year either. And it's going to stay that way. It's good to skip a year every now and then. Keeps the neighbours guessing.

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    1. Hi Debra,

      I think that might be the reason ours aren't up yet either. But I'm determined to try to get something up in the yard. I do enough things to keep the neighbours scratching their heads. :)

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  4. This post made me remember I own some Christmas lights... somewhere. I do! They've been hidden away somewhere or other for a long time. I'm not sure where.

    Can you swing by here when you're done with yours?

    It's not as cold here as it is there...

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    1. Hi Katy,

      If it's warm there, I'll come do yours first. And if you can't find your lights, I'll bring some of mine. That way, I'll have less to put up when I get back to doing mine! :)

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  5. Hi Ken, my procrastinatin' kindred friend,

    You had me at 'procrastinator'. Guilty here. (Although not this semester, GRADES ARE IN AND DONE!! Happy dance!!!)

    So this post.....I love. For various and sundry reasons:

    1) It is the first post I have read fully and really absorbed since August.

    2) It describes my ongoing conundrum - procrastination. I'm with you on this.

    3) The yearly dilemma - just HOW MUCH decking the halls must I do and/or eek by and get away with???

    This year has been strange for all, I believe. With Thanksgiving (the U.S. version) coming so late this year, many folks are like, 'Wha? It's time? Wait, I haven't completely recovered from the heartburn from Aunt Edna's safflower and Leek souffle..."

    I have come to believe that like the four seasons (or two there in sub-zero Canada), we too, have seasons. Some Christmases, we are all out, deck the halls, and trim all 14 trees, and then some years, it is a quieter, less 'blingy' affair, and all is okay. There have been years, for various reasons, that I have barely managed a string of lights on the tree and a wreath slapped on the front door. This year happens to be a year I have been more in that festive mode and began earlier to get it all up in time to enjoy it for a full duration of time. A driving motivation has been getting the house decked out to the max for my daughter to come home. She is my 'Christmas girl'. She loves it all, to the fullest, cheesy cliche and tacky and all. I want her welcome home to embrace her with 'You are home - wrap yourself in all the Christmas memories you adore.' So this year is a 'on my game' kinda year. I'm almost done shopping. Just few gift cards. That's it. Crazy. I know.

    HOWEVER, the outside, declared my Hub's territory, is still 'undone'. He has stands of lights stretched in lines across the now browned grass. Waiting. I say plug those suckers in and say we've candy-caned the yard with our lighting effect. Why not?

    BTW - I pass the house every day that has the Christmas light display of a tracker and think, "I need to take a pic of that and send it to Ken!" :)

    Anyway, I loved this post. So glad it was a part of my 'unwinding' this evening, by the fire and my Christmas tree to quietly celebrate one more semester's end.

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    1. I wrote an entire post on your post. Can you tell I am feeling the freedom already???

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    2. Now that I have your attention, Hello, my friend!

      I really want to get something up for Christmas. Last year we all got sick and it turned into a bit of a bust. It was a Christmas that didn't seem to happen. This year, I want to do my part to get some holiday cheer back into this house.

      It's mostly been a crazy December for us. This morning marks the 3rd day the buses won't be running past our house this month. Heavy snow with blowing and there always seems to be severe wind chill warnings. Funny thing about that is it sort of reminds me of the Christmas's of my youth. Driving with my mom and dad in a trough because the snow banks were so high you couldn't see past them.

      I've been thinking about changing up our yard a bit, but I'm not sure how to do it. Because of the amount of snow, most of the stuff I put in the yard is out of the question. Guess I'll just get started and see what happens.

      Bring on the tractor! I'd love to see it! :)

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  6. Replies
    1. Hey Holly,

      You've been working on brakes, that's a good excuse.

      We did manage to get that up, so it's a start. I'm almost ready to explode all over the place with holly jolly Christmas glee!

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  7. I think with all that you do, this should be optional and flexible. Just the weather is a valid reason, not excuse. I give you credit for doing it at all, ever. Bless your heart.

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    1. Thank you, McGuffy Ann.

      It seems, I'm going with a very much scaled back version this year.

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  8. I would go with the ultimatum... I just barely got the tree up and well lets just say ...if you can actually call it a tree...Im just slower this year...dunno....

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    1. Hi Zoe,

      I dunno either, It's getting harder and harder to get the spark of the season to light.

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  9. A star atop the grain tower sounds pretty elaborate to me! Except...maybe you should check the bulbs before putting it up next time! haha

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    1. The thing is, it sort of stays there all year long and just gets unplugged. It's too heavy to drag up and down. I just unplug it, and hope the bulbs all work when I plug it in the following year. :)

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  10. Oh, Ken. There have been years when we never got out lights up, and it NEVER snows here, and we NEVER do anything Griswald-esque. Sometimes, it just doesn't happen...

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    1. Hi Natalie,

      Sometimes I wish for less snow, but for me, Christmas would be difficult without any snow at all. :)

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  11. Dude. Are these lights a ritual or a rutual? Just pretend that Grinch stole everything.

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    1. That's a good question. I kind of like it when it's all up. It's putting it up and down where I get stalled. Maybe I could hire the Grinch for that part.

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  12. I can't imagine that kind of cold. I've spent most of my life in CA and the last few years in NJ is killing me enough. I'd love to see your Griswald display once you get it up!

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    1. Hi Stacie,

      I've been watching those Christmas light wars, shows on TV the last couple nights and it seems the most elaborate displays happen where people are putting them up in shorts and flip flops.

      Ya, I wish!

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  13. All I have to do is run an extension cord out and plug in the lights that are still on the tree from last year (and the years before that), but I have yet to do it. Too...whatever...to do it now.

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    1. I have a tree like that as well. It's the only thing I leave out. I have to put a new end on that cord because it's one of the ones the dog ate off.

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  14. I'm right there with ya on the procrastinating, Ken. I still don't have my cards out. Everyday I get a little bit done. Day 1: Address envelopes. Day 2: Adhere address labels. Day 3: insert pictures of kids in envelopes. Day 4: Lick envelopes. Day 5: Buy stamps. I'm not kidding. Try to stay warm! brrrrrr!

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    1. Hey Linda!

      My wife is a lists person, and we seem to go and go until our asses are dragging, and that list seems to be as long as it was when we started preparing for the holidays.

      I think somebody's adding items to it while we sleep.

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