#190. or, Bagels For Breakfast

  So, the boy wanted bagels for breakfast.

  Despite the fact that my wife and I have now been raising kids for more of the years we've been alive than not, and we may have become a tad complacent in our parenting duties over that duration, we like to give in to the odd one of these little requests, just to keep up the appearance that we're actually loving parents. Not to mention the fact, that the more wheat based products we can force the boy to consume, might be somewhat beneficial in my attempt to single-handedly reinvigorate the grain market.

  Now, I'm hoping that you won't judge me on this next statement but, I had never had a bagel before that point.

  Honestly.

   I mean I was aware they existed, I had just never gotten around to trying one yet. Plus, somewhere in the mess of retained knowledge I have rattling about in my brain, I even knew that they were sometimes best eaten with a healthy dose of cream cheese. ( I hope that's not an oxymoron? Healthy dose of cream cheese? Whatever. ) Just know that I have nothing against bagels. I eat all types of breads, and I'm certainly not on some weird wheat-less bread diet. I eat everything I produce, in all of it's genetically modified glory. And there's nothing at all wrong with me. And there's nothing at all wrong with me. And there's nothing at all wrong with me.

  Because of the time of year, my schedule, and the boy's schedule were somewhat askew, and we didn't really meet up at breakfast time. So, when I found myself alone, and looking for something to consume for the most important meal of the day, I thought, baby....it's bagel time!  I opened the bag, took one out and felt its wheaty heft in my hand, separated the halves, and popped them into the toaster. I opened the fridge, and right there, top shelf, front and center, was chocolate flavoured cream cheese. Perfect! And as I spread a nice thick layer of it onto the freshly toasted bagel, I just knew my taste buds were about to experience heavenly bliss.

  Except.......chocolate flavoured cream cheese tastes like shit, on an onion flavoured bagel! ( I spend a significant amount of time way too close to the back end of a cow, so I know. Don't even ask.)

  They say, never assume anything. And they're usually right, whoever they are? I had just assumed that because bagels are doughnut shaped, they would have the same wonderful qualities that make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside when I actually eat doughnuts. I mean, it's just bad form to make two doughy pastries, which look so similar at first glance, be so much at different ends of the spectrum in the world of breads. It's my suspicion, that way back in historical Poland, (I  looked that up) somebody evil invented a bagel, to look the way it does, to trick their unsuspecting children into eating something far less desirable than a doughnut. My Grandmother had a bit of Polish descent in her background and she made freakishly awesome doughnuts! I never had a bagel at Grandmas!

  Apparently, the chocolate flavoured cream cheese was to use on the maple flavoured bagels. And even though that sounds infinitely more appetizing than chocolate flavoured cream cheese on an onion flavoured bagel, the dissatisfaction of the first impression remains, and I've already decided that I'm not all that crazy about bagels.

  Of course, that doesn't mean my mind won't be changed, so I may need to revisit this bagel thing in the future.  My wife has convinced me of a number of things I actually like, that I had negatively made my mind up on in the past.

  .............except for that carrots and raisins salad. That's always going to be nasty.