Friday, June 27, 2014

#190. or, Bagels For Breakfast

  So, the boy wanted bagels for breakfast.

  Despite the fact that my wife and I have now been raising kids for more of the years we've been alive than not, and we may have become a tad complacent in our parenting duties over that duration, we like to give in to the odd one of these little requests, just to keep up the appearance that we're actually loving parents. Not to mention the fact, that the more wheat based products we can force the boy to consume, might be somewhat beneficial in my attempt to single-handedly reinvigorate the grain market.

  Now, I'm hoping that you won't judge me on this next statement but, I had never had a bagel before that point.

  Honestly.

   I mean I was aware they existed, I had just never gotten around to trying one yet. Plus, somewhere in the mess of retained knowledge I have rattling about in my brain, I even knew that they were sometimes best eaten with a healthy dose of cream cheese. ( I hope that's not an oxymoron? Healthy dose of cream cheese? Whatever. ) Just know that I have nothing against bagels. I eat all types of breads, and I'm certainly not on some weird wheat-less bread diet. I eat everything I produce, in all of it's genetically modified glory. And there's nothing at all wrong with me. And there's nothing at all wrong with me. And there's nothing at all wrong with me.

  Because of the time of year, my schedule, and the boy's schedule were somewhat askew, and we didn't really meet up at breakfast time. So, when I found myself alone, and looking for something to consume for the most important meal of the day, I thought, baby....it's bagel time!  I opened the bag, took one out and felt its wheaty heft in my hand, separated the halves, and popped them into the toaster. I opened the fridge, and right there, top shelf, front and center, was chocolate flavoured cream cheese. Perfect! And as I spread a nice thick layer of it onto the freshly toasted bagel, I just knew my taste buds were about to experience heavenly bliss.

  Except.......chocolate flavoured cream cheese tastes like shit, on an onion flavoured bagel! ( I spend a significant amount of time way too close to the back end of a cow, so I know. Don't even ask.)

  They say, never assume anything. And they're usually right, whoever they are? I had just assumed that because bagels are doughnut shaped, they would have the same wonderful qualities that make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside when I actually eat doughnuts. I mean, it's just bad form to make two doughy pastries, which look so similar at first glance, be so much at different ends of the spectrum in the world of breads. It's my suspicion, that way back in historical Poland, (I  looked that up) somebody evil invented a bagel, to look the way it does, to trick their unsuspecting children into eating something far less desirable than a doughnut. My Grandmother had a bit of Polish descent in her background and she made freakishly awesome doughnuts! I never had a bagel at Grandmas!

  Apparently, the chocolate flavoured cream cheese was to use on the maple flavoured bagels. And even though that sounds infinitely more appetizing than chocolate flavoured cream cheese on an onion flavoured bagel, the dissatisfaction of the first impression remains, and I've already decided that I'm not all that crazy about bagels.

  Of course, that doesn't mean my mind won't be changed, so I may need to revisit this bagel thing in the future.  My wife has convinced me of a number of things I actually like, that I had negatively made my mind up on in the past.

  .............except for that carrots and raisins salad. That's always going to be nasty.

 









19 comments:

  1. There are a lot of things I've never eaten. Much of what I have actually eaten, well, I'm not sure what it was. I don't always pay much attention to what I am eating.

    I have made it 29 years this way, so I'm not overly worried about it.

    I've had bagels. They are way too chewy for my taste, but sometimes, you just have to eat whatever's around.

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    1. Hey Katy!

      I ate the testicles of a calf once. They were deep fried, chewy, and rather tasteless, so I'm pretty open to varying culinary experiences.

      Oh, also most of a container of V8 juice that was a year and a half past due. That was by accident.

      Delete
  2. I like real Montreal-style bagels, where they boil them first and then bake them. They're dense, flavourful and chewy. Most of what gets sold in stores as "bagels" are really just regular old buns with a hole in the middle. They're okay, but not truly kosher. I hope you get to try a real bagel some day.

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    1. Hi Debra,

      It would seem, that I shouldn't close the book on this just yet. I may need to do some more bagel research. :)

      Delete
  3. I think you can't fully reject bagels until you've tried a real NYC bagel. But the chocolate cream cheese just sounds nasty. I didn't even know that existed!

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    1. Hi Stacie,

      I'll make sure I add the sub-listing, try a NYC bagel, to the visit New York listing on my bucket list! :)

      Delete
  4. You are missing out! What about strawberry flavored cream cheese on a cinnamon raisin bagel? YUM! Who eats chocolate flavored cream cheese? Yuck!

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    1. Hi!

      Obviously, I've not only tried the wrong type of bagel, I've also used a completely undesirable cream cheese? Strawberry, and cinnamon and raisin, got it!

      Delete
  5. No no no no no. You just had a bad experience. Bagels are the best. Once you have a good one, you will never be the same.
    ;)

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    1. Hey Natalie!

      It would seem I need to delve into this subject a little bit more. I didn't even know there was sub-par bagels?

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  6. Hey friend!
    First of all, BLECK! That combination does not sound the least bit tasty. Who knows though - you could have been the one to discover a unique flavor opposites kind of thing - like the sweet and salty idea. Only chocolate and onion? Oh gross.

    I have to say, I agree with the other commenters that the chocolate cream cheese does sound icky. That is one particular flavor that they just can't quite get right no matter what they make it into. I do think you should give bagels another try and consciously make a winning pair of flavors - a maple bagel with honey nut cream cheese perhaps?

    I actually have a bagel story. I need to tell that one. I think that I might! You inspired me!

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    1. Hello, my friend!

      I really didn't expect the negative comments on the chocolate cream cheese? It was kind of good. Sort of like Nutella? Guess that goes to show you people have different tastes.

      I really think my bagels were not at all what most here are talking about. I'm going to have to seek one of those out before I make my decision.

      I can't wait to hear your story! :)

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  7. I love bagels, especially pumpernickel ones, but they're terrible on my blood sugar. One bagel is like eating four pieces of toast.

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    1. Hi Stephen,

      Oh my! That doesn't sound good at all!

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  8. New Yorkers will say the only good bagel is from NYC. But I'd definitely suggest the classic plain bagel with a schmear of cream cheese from wherever you're at before you eject them from your diet completely.

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    1. Thanks! I've been convinced that the book is not yet closed on this topic. I need to find some better bagels. I know they're out there!

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  9. We don't even have bagels in Australia. Does that make us a third-world country?

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  10. You need to have a fresh bagel, straight from a bakery. THAT is where you will find nirvana. And it needs just plain cream cheese. Although, to be honest, those things have more calories than a Thanksgiving dinner, or some such thing, so it's not the end of the world if you don't take to them :) But now you've made me want a bagel, darn it.

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  11. Dude. Chips and salsa in a salad bowl = salad.
    P.S. Loved the use of repetition in paragraph 4.

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