Wednesday, August 20, 2014

#192, or, Unreasonable Facsimile

  I'm going to go out on a limb here, and even if it is tooting my own horn, tell you that I have a pretty awesome deck. I mean, as far as decks are concerned, on a scale of 1 to 10, I'm quite certain that my deck is solidly a 6.5 or better.

  It's a deck that evolved from three distinct phases of construction, the first beginning even before there was a door out of the back of the house to access it. And because any momentous undertaking takes time and care to complete, to the highest of standards, the deck firmly lag-bolted to the back of our house has taken three years to complete. With each of those years matching those distinct phases of construction that I had mentioned earlier. Which probably has more to do with my limited time, and meager carpentry skills, than it has to do with the building of the deck, but by now I'm sure you're all aware of my ineptitude, so I'm not really going to travel down that road, for this story.

  Anyways, aside from a few cosmetic things left to do, last year I reached the point in construction where I stepped back, scratched my backside and thought, I think I might finally be done with this? Which is a rather satisfying feeling to let absorb, while sitting out there in the mornings, drinking my coffee, or relaxing with a beer at the end of the day. And even though it did take me three years, I could revel in the grandeur of my awesome deck and the knowledge that I had actually set out to do this thing, and follow it through to the end. I. Was. Done!



  Then my wife said that we really should stain this thing before it rots off the back of the house, forcing me to start building it all over again.

  So it was decided, sometime in the dead of the winter, when I could only look out into the icy bleakness, through the window in the back door, and dream about the snow melting, and being able to return to my deckly awesomeness, that before we would put out any of the patio furniture, or even entertain any thoughts of entertaining guests out there, we would stain that deck.Which, of course took us most of the summer to complete, and left me covered in a pleasant artificial tan-like amber hue, but  unfortunately, made it almost impossible to shower because the water just wanted to bead up and run off my skin.

  Nonetheless, now in the fourth year, since we began the construction of the deck, the staining was finished, the patio furniture was out, and the weather turned magnificent, as my City Cousin arrived with his family for the week. We spent many hours enjoying our deck, and I made sure that I lit all of the things that burned, cranked all of the things that crank, tilted all of the things that tilt, and used our phenomenal BBQ as much as we could.  We shared laughs, some drinks, and a few cigars on our deck, and the time flew by, until my City Cousin and his family left, and my family and I packed up our things into our trailer, and left on our holidays as well.

  Westward, we headed. For ten hours, until we finally arrived at the newly acquired cabin of my wife's sister and her husband. Which just happens to be on a grand lake. And we spent time with them and enjoyed drinks and good times, on their deck, less than 50 steps from the lake. When it was too hot, we cooled ourselves in that grand lake, or took lazy evening boat rides. Over morning coffee, I watched the ospreys catch fish and fly wonkily back to their nests with a struggling breakfast in their talons. In the evening, we sat as the bats flew all around us, cleaning up the mosquito's. And I may have just spent a little too much time that one afternoon watching the nudists, anchored across the lake in their pontoon boat, through my spotters scope.

  And then, as quickly as it all began, we were back home to the hustle and bustle, and to our own deck in our own backyard.

  Yesterday, as I was back standing on my deck, the deck that has now been a labour of not less than four years, I came to the realization that our deck is missing a key component. A mysterious ingredient that transforms any average deck into an oasis of solitude. That one thing that can take everything that is stressful about life, and make it all disappear, while you enjoy those stolen moments, hidden away on your deck.

  I need a lake!

  In my backyard!

  I think I'll start construction next spring, right after I finish my seeding.

  However, I'm pretty sure that there's a pig barn and possibly an old combine buried in my backyard, so that could pose a problem.

  ...........this could take me a few years to figure out.

 


26 comments:

  1. Replies
    1. Hey Katy!

      Deckly awesomeness, indeed! :)

      Delete
  2. Hurray for the deck! Also, the orange pumice soap helps get the stain off. I know because I finally finished phase 2 of staining the deck and picnic table last weekend.
    No promises for when phase 3 of staining gets completed.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Cynk!

      Coincidentally enough, it was the orange pumice soap that I ended up using. It was either going to be that or break pad cleaner, but that's pretty intense stuff.

      Good luck on your project!

      Delete
  3. How about a pool instead? They have those little plastic ones. Or a small pond?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Funny,

      That may have worked before I spent my time at the lake. Now, everything else pales by comparison!

      Delete
    2. I feel that way about the ocean.

      Delete
    3. I can relate to the ocean, as well! :)

      Delete
  4. That is indeed a pretty awesome deck! And a lake, hmm? Would you settle for a small water feature? Or . . . ooooo, I know! . . . . a hot tub on that deck . . . amiright?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hey Debra!

      I actually have a hot tub, but it's broken right now and somewhere on my list of things to get at. But if I ever get it repaired, I may need to build a tub addition to accommodate it?

      Delete
  5. Oh, you did good, real good. Yes, you do need a lake, or at least a big pond,though. I cannot wait to read how that turns out!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks you, McGuffy Ann,

      To be perfectly honest, I'm quite certain if I have a lake back there, I'd probably never get anything constructive done again! :)

      Delete
  6. You do need a lake, how could you overlook something so obvious? ;) Congrats on the newly completed deck!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sometimes, you just get caught up in the one thing, and the obvious escapes you?

      Thanks! :)

      Delete
  7. Hahahaha! You DO need a lake! Although that deck by itself is pretty amazing. We had a very nice one at our last house, and I must admit, I miss it -- even if the view was nothing more than the backyard shrubbery.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Natalie,

      Thanks! I think I'm going to be stuck with the back yard shrubbery, for at least a little while yet!

      Delete
  8. See that's the difference between me and a real man. If I decided I wanted a pond in my back yard, I would just dig a really big hole, coat in with something waterproof and bring in the water. I'd have no idea there was anything else involved.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think, digging a really big hole is the perfect place to start!

      Delete
  9. Dude. Is there nothing you can't do?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You really should talk to my wife about that!

      Delete
  10. Friend!!!
    I am late to the party of commenting but trying to take a break in work to do something I WANT to do, and that is read great stuff by cool people!!

    So your deck is incredibly awesome. I would love to be able to build something such as that. The only thing I can do in that regard is stain/paint things and that is what I did this summer. I need to do a Deck DIY post and show the before and after pictures. The only thing the deck lacks now is a hot tub. Maybe instead of a lake, you could save up for that instead! That would be FABULOUS on one of your cold Canadian nights (and incredibly romantic, to boot!).

    Sounds like you had some good times this summer, and I am so very glad!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hello, my friend!!

      Firstly, it's never too late to have you drop by. And I'm happy to even be considered part of the cool crowd!

      Thanks so much! I'd love to see a progression post on how you transformed your deck this summer!

      Funny you should mention the hot tub. After our old one sort of bit the biscuit, and I didn't have the desire to tackle any repairs on it, yet again, we've been without one for over a year now. Until my wife noticed one on our local buy and sell page , and it turned out to be from some people we know. Anyways, we have a hot tub again. Except it sits in a little romantic, secluded nook I built on the front of the house. Two steps from the door! We just got it up and running, so we're so looking forward to taking advantage of that!! :)

      Delete
  11. Hey! I have missed you, although I know it's my fault for not visiting.

    I dream of having a deck, or a really big porch. I love sitting and eating outside. I think your deck is awesome! And yeah, a lake would be lovely. In certain areas of Michigan, man-made lakes are all the rage, atlhough they often have a weird shade of unnatural blue that I'm not that fond of. Keep that in my for when you lake is done a few years from now :)

    ReplyDelete
  12. One of the churches I pastored had a huge lake in the back. We lived in the parsonage right next to it, so I spent many evening sitting on the deck watching the birds over the lake. I loved it. Now I have a small pond under my balcony. Not quite the same since I live in the middle of the city.

    ReplyDelete