Monday, October 20, 2014

#193. or, Harvest Beard.

Harvest beard is totally a thing,


..........right?


  I mean, it's not that much of a stretch to compare hockey play-offs to harvest, as both are the final step toward a goal that you set out to achieve at the beginning of a long season.  A season, generally filled with many trials and tribulations, as you make your way toward that end, no matter how well you think you had things planned before you even got started. Of course, when my harvest is just getting under way and my "play-offs" are just beginning, hockey is just barely crawling out of it's starting blocks, but I don't see it why wouldn't it be alright to steal someone else's superstitious symbol of good luck as a means to an end, as it were, in seeing one cruise to the culmination of their season, without sustaining any serious catastrophe?

  So, as I started my harvest, about a month ago, I made the decision not to shave until that last bushel of grain was in the bin. Even if I was the only one doing it, I was going to be the trailblazer for my fellow farmers and years from now, as richly bearded combine pilots circled their machines and gathered for supper on the edge of some far off field, they'd sip coffee and reminisce about that one brave and envisioned soul who started the whole harvest beard tradition. All the while stroking their glorious manes.

  The thing I neglected to take into account though, is that combining is in fact a terribly dusty endeavour. No matter how hard you try to avoid it, seldom is the day that you don't forget to step to the side when you open up some inspection door and end up with a neck full of barley dust. Added to that, I had this on-going issue of an air conditioning system that annoyingly insisted on blowing warm air at me during the heat of the day, and cool air at me soon as the sun went down. I found myself sitting there with 4 days of beard stubble, sweating and dusty, wanting to scrub my face off with a wire brush.

  After about a week of this insane, self inflicted facial torture, and trying to cram as many usable hours of the day and night toward harvest that I could, it rained. For about a week. And my harvest beard disappeared. It's probably a good thing, as I suspect it's much more pleasant for the guy on the other side of the parts counter to deal with well-groomed-agricultural-professional-guy, as opposed to grizzled-faced-vacant-eyed,-zombie-farmer-guy. But I'm just conjecturing there.

   Throughout the remainder of harvest, I never actively tried to pursue my harvest beard. That's not to say there weren't instances when I was more than a little lax at my facial grooming, but that was more a product of time management than actively trying to perpetuate some sort of new harvest tradition. Unlike the hockey player who is often gone from home for long periods of time, I still saw my wife every day, and it was far easier for me to get her to share her sweet, sweet sugar with me when my face was pleasantly smooth.

  Still though, I have this awesome idea to start a farmer hipster beard trend over the winter, but you probably haven't heard of that yet. It's going to be awesome!

  .............soon as I figure out how to make sitting in a tractor for 12 hours in skinny pants comfortable.

18 comments:

  1. My mustache is coming in nicely, as you can tell from my profile picture. I'm ready to do some harvesting!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hey Katy!

      If I had a mustache half as epic as yours, my harvest would have spontaneously completed itself!!

      Delete
  2. Grizzly Adams style beards full of chaff and dust don't sound comfortable, or attractive. Do be sure to record your voice before and after you give your skinny pants a trial run. From what I see on the teens roaming through my house, I believe the secret to wearing them comfortably is plaid boxers and letting the waist band rest just above your crotch.

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    Replies
    1. Hi Vanessa,

      I have never been able to get much beyond a weeks growth before I can't take it anymore!

      I might be just a bit anal about comfort in my croch-al area, but cramming loose fitting boxers under tight fitting skinny jeans is probably going to drive me insane, trying to get everything right where I like it?

      Delete
  3. You could always grow out your full harvest beard but, while combining, wear one of those plastic disposable beard bags that food handlers/processors have to wear. Very fetching!

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    Replies
    1. Yes Debra,

      although, I doubt I'd be able to keep all of my neighbours wives from wanting to go for a ride, in my combine with me, if I was going to try pull off something THAT sexy!! :)

      Delete
  4. I don't know why men still persist with beards. They have no redeeming qualities except for acting as a timeline for everything you've eaten since you grew it.

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    Replies
    1. Hi Michael,

      I think the new fascination with abundant facial hair, is so one can look exceedingly masculine while they make your 8-named morning coffee?

      Delete
    2. Oh right! They are the manliest of men after all.

      Delete
  5. Hipster farmers? I bet you just made that a thing.

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  6. I've tried to grow a mustache once. I find it to be rather discomforting. I can't seem to grow a full beard either as it grows in patches. I am, however, able to sport a nice patch of hair on my chin which I never shave because it makes me look like a 12 year old.

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    1. Hey Dan,

      I grew what I wear now, so I would look a little older and to be taken more seriously to people who I grew up around and who I thought might see me as that little kid. However, now it's full of grey and might in fact, be making me look way older that I'd like to be. Perhaps I need to try the 12 year old soul patch?

      Delete
  7. I enjoyed this post, my friend. Bill had a controlled beard, until he started trucking. Now he has a fearsome thing. I think it has a job to do: Look bad-a*#, so to speak. I do think it must be a lot of work, though. I look forward to this hipster farmer thing!

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    Replies
    1. Hey McGuffy Ann!

      I've seen the pictures and think that Bill wears his very well. I have the upmost respect for anyone who can get to that much facial growth without going insane. Which, I'm quite certain, is what would happen to me. :)

      Delete
  8. So I've been trying to start a whole 'winter leg hair' thing for women for years now, but no one seems to be following along! Poor us trailblazers.

    But I do have to say, I'm partial to a scruffy beard every now and then. So handsome and manly, as long as you don't think about what might be stuck in it.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hey KD!

      I'll help to spread the word on the winter leg hair thing up here. This might be a trend, better started in a colder climate? Although, I might not let my wife in on this one. How am I going to be able to tell who's leg I'm rubbing under the covers at night?

      Delete
  9. I wore a beard for quite a few years and cutting it down to a goatee sure helped the looks by removing a lot of the gray, now as you mentioned "Time Management" almost turns it back into a beard ha ha

    Skinny jeans now if you could figure out how to make them comfortable sitting anywhere...

    I have Jimmys Opinion
    back up and running again with a new address if you would like to drop by and follow along again. http://jimsop.blogspot.com/

    ReplyDelete