Sunday, October 14, 2012

#121. or, Do you have something on your cheek?

  Our Little son has a tendency to talk a bit of smack.

  He has flair for the dramatic, and quite the imagination, both of which I have no idea whatsoever, whose genes that came from. My suspicions, however, lean a bit more toward the parent who spends a good deal of time in a tractor......I'm not mentioning any names though.

  Really, the blame doesn't land entirely on his shoulders. He's spent his whole life watching his two older brothers fight like cats and dogs. It only stands to reason that some of the wonderfully, intellectual insults, hurled between two teenage boys, were going to be absorbed into his brain through osmosis. And trust me, he was like a sponge! He soaked up everything. I hope that his brothers realize the monster that they've created here, and I'm certain that they do, because for the most part, his inappropriate jabs are directed at the two of them.

  So, his mouth tends to get him into a bit of trouble now and then. Occasionally, my wife or myself will  have to tell him to tone it down a bit. Sometimes though, we leave him to suffer the consequences of his actions after he's pushed one too many buttons on one of his brothers.

  Oldest son will generally just ask him to stop. But if Little son continues to poke at him with a stick, he'll get growled at, and that seems to usually be enough to calm the playing field. Hostilities don't usually escalate between those two. It's sort of like a banana republic threatening a super power nation. You would be foolish to test their resolve.

  The dynamic with Middle son is a little different. Little son will push until Middle son snaps and does something like jamming one of his dirty work boot socks into Little son's mouth to try shut him up. A couple weeks ago, he hauled Little son outside and tossed into the pool. Being early fall, it was well past the time to take the pool down for the year and the water was pretty cool. He looked like a drowned cat standing at the door wanting to get back in, but we made him take off all of his wet clothes outside before he was allowed in.

  Yesterday at breakfast, the topic of Little son's swirly came up. Now, in case you've been living under a rock since say....the 50's, a swirly is when somebody larger than you holds your head, upside down in the toilet and flushes it. Usually to punish you for some ill deed, but sometimes just because you had to wear tape on your glasses or had the hem of your pants half way between your ankles and knees. Really, I think the advent of the flush toilet facilitated the swirly, because having to manually rotate your victim while his head was in the crapper, must have been a colossal pain in the ass.

  Anyways, I had been unaware of any swirly's handed out in our house.

  A couple weeks back, it was discovered that we had a bastard mouse take up residence in our basement. That event, expedited the complete clean-up of the basement where the two older boys live. It also required a team effort between all the boys and my wife to get the job done. A lot of things came out and went to the dump. Anything useful that we didn't need any more got sent to donations.

  My wife explained that, Little son was being his usual self, and being a bit of a pain in the ass while the clean up was going on. Eventually, the two older boys decided that enough was enough and hauled Little son upstairs to the toilet where I do my business and give him a swirly. For some reason that made it worse, but I'm not really so sure why? As she was telling me about this, Little son sat across the table looking rather annoyed, yet sheepish that this event took place. Apparently, he took a 30 minute shower afterwards just in case there was any spackle stuck to the side of his head. I hope he learned a bit of humility.

   Later, I was talking to my wife about this, and asked her what she had been doing while the swirly was being applied. It seems, Little son is very wirey and it took both of his brothers to hold him in place to keep him from escaping...........

    ...................somebody had to flush the toilet!





   I am submitting this post to Dude write this week. It's where guy bloggers come together to submit posts, that get voted on from Sunday to Tuesday evening to see whose was most popular. I encourage you to pop over and take a look at them and maybe come back and vote on your favourites. 
You can get there by clicking on THIS LINK!




31 comments:

  1. Must confess I haven't heard of the "swirly" term before. It's nice to be out from under the rock at last! Thanks for enlightening me. :D

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    1. I'm thinking now that I probably could have worded that better? :)

      But at least now you know.

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  2. Hadn't heard the term "swirly" before either. Absolutely love that last line.

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    1. Hi Stephen, I'm a little worried that so many people are unaware of the swirly. I wonder if it had a different name outside of Canada?

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  3. "Spackle," LOL! And a nice twist at the end! Get it . . . twist? Good luck at Dude Write!

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    1. Thanks Debra.

      Very clever word play. I'm glad that you enjoyed it. :)

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  4. Hey friend!
    OH my GOSH, this is great. What an ending and what?! Two people on this post haven't heard of the swirly??? Too funny!!

    Good luck at Dude Write!

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    1. Hello, my friend!

      Thanks for validating me! I was certainly beginning to get a little bit concerned about alienating my audience. I thought everybody that spent time in the school system had heard about swirlys? :)

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  5. Oh my gosh, Ken, this was so funny! Your boys sound just like the boys I watched this weekend. As a girl, I am baffled by the constant roughhousing...they remind me of puppies.

    But it sounds like your wife has grown accostumed to it, though. That woman is awesome!

    I love stories about your family :)

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    1. Hi Kianwi,

      I think she's pretty awesome myself. I'm glad she keeps me around.

      I've never been in a house where young girls lived. I have no sisters, and all we have is boys. So this all seems pretty normal to me. I imagine though, that a house full of sisters is probably all peaceful heavenly? ;)

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  6. Yes Sir, have been involved in more than one swirly, it is much better when you are the swirler than the swirlee, but as your wife has proven sometimes you have to bring in a flusher Ha Ha, Classic my friend.

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    1. Thanks Jimmy.

      Certainly MUCH better to be the swirler! And you're right, no one ever goes quietly to be swirled. Generally, it involves a ton of kicking and screaming. I think the flusher is the plum job of the whole thing.

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  7. Classic. I think it's important to mark these occasions when family coordinates beautifully to prove a point at any cost.

    Never suffered a swirly, or a wet willy, but my uncles were quick with the charlie-horses, noogies and purple-nurples.

    Unfortunately they were only a few years older than I, the sisters being born so much earlier, so the nephews were fair game until they could defend themselves or learn to outrun young farmhands while wearing their castoff gumboots.

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    1. I think there's no end to the colorfully named horrors that could be inflicted on younger, unsuspecting siblings or relatives.

      Young farmhands were probably worse, as their pranks usually included steaming cow pies!

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  8. No knowledge of a swirly, yet two readers still found the Internet....inconceivable!

    Next, she will be telling you how she had to deliver the wedgie while he was being held. Love it!

    WG

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    1. I know, right? That sort of caught me off guard.

      I think in this house, the traditional wedgie will be completely bypassed in favour of the dreaded atomic wedgie! Which will unfortunately, require someone with more strength and height than my wife. She may have to do the holding.

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  9. Your sons sound like mine, but it's usually #2 that's gets annoying and the older and youngest take action.

    How in the blue blazes has anyone not heard of the word swirly before???

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    1. As long as the majority of them are working together towards a common end, I consider it a win.

      I was certain it was going to be a term that everybody was going to know what I was talking about. Who knew?

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  10. I've pissed my step-brother off to the point where he tossed me into the neighbor's pool. Luckily enough it was summer, though.

    And, I've never actually heard of someone getting a swirly. I thought it was something only done in movies. Ah, well apparently toilet water is cleaner than the stuff that comes out of the tap. It's like having someone wash your hair for you, I assume.

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  11. ROFL!!!!

    Thanks Ken, I needed this laugh.

    Way to go Mrs. Inatractor!

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  12. Haha, nice! Score one for Mom. :)

    I have 2 brothers and 4 sisters, but most of them were all grown by the time I came around so I didn't get to experience those sibling rivalries. Those I do have a patch of broken blood vessels on one arm when my brother punched me in the arm when I was wee little, and a "clicky" jaw from the same brother who cold cocked me when I was 12.

    Fun read as always Ken.

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    1. P.S. Love the new background pic, and your new combine. :)

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  13. In case any of you were wondering, being an only child was pretty sweet.

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    1. I would imagine, giving yourself a swirly must have been a bit challenging? :)

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  14. Any family that gives other family members a swirly is a good family in my book! Now hold on a sec...I have to chase down my son!

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    1. ......just in case he was thinking of doing something bad!

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  15. So she was teaching them the benefits of teamwork, right?

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    1. Sure.....I'm certain that there was some sort of life lesson here. :)

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  16. Josie sent me your way, hope ya don't mind the intrusion.

    Boy did this bring back some memories. Being the middle son, I was constantly getting in trouble for hitting my little brother when he wouldn't leave me alone. He'd push and push until I snapped and then I'd get a spanking. Right up until the day my mom caught him doing it. Oh what a glorious day!

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    1. I don't mind at all! You're welcome to stop by any time.

      Our youngest certainly does like to push the buttons and see how much trouble he can stir up. But we're on to him, he has to be pretty sneaky to get away with it.

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