When we were in the final stages of renovating our bedroom, one of the things that we wanted to do was change our closet doors. We have two closets. One has a mirrored slider, and the other one has a double bi-fold. We kept the mirrors but replaced the bi-folds with new ones, but it fit the new room better to swap the closet doors for each other. Because we had all new bedroom furniture, it needed to be assembled before we moved the bi-folds to see if there would be room to open the doors. Anyways, when put the bed together, and wrestled the mattress onto the frame, the obvious thing to do was for each of us to flop onto the bed to see how it felt.
Even with the mattress covered in that heavy, crinkly plastic bag , (which would be perfect for transporting a dead body, because if I've learned anything from endless reruns of CSI, it's that leaking body fluids are your enemy.) we laid side by side and giggled like we were little kids, the bed was going to be THAT damned good.
So now, it's been a week or so and the obvious thing about this bed is that it's freaking silent. My wife and I have shared the same bed for over 20 years. And even through a couple different mattress changes, we've always had a squeaky bed. The last 2 months on an air mattress were even worse. Sometimes at night now, I find myself bouncing my ass up and down just to see if I can generate any sound. But there's nothing. The sound of the silence is a little unnerving, and I'm having some trouble getting used to it.
My beautiful wife and I conceived 3 children in a squeaky bed. Not to mention, doing a fair bit of practicing the art of making babies. I've discovered, having sex in a squeaky bed has been ingrained into my ability to determine, on some level, besides the obvious one, how successful I've been. Rare, has been the occasion, over the span of our life together that there isn't children in our house. That squeaky bed acted like a barometer to let us know when things were getting a little too loud and rambunctious. Conversely, when for one reason or another, we found ourselves alone and stricken by the mood, I could easily gauge the,.........um........ferocity of the onslaught, by the amount of complaining that that bed did. Now there's nothing but silence. Bed silence that is. Because rest assured, we did our best to try to get some sort of noise out of that bed, and while there WAS some noises coming from our bedroom, the bed gave nothing away.
When I sleep, I'm a completely covered to the neck sleeper. Even in the summer. I've found that I can control my temperature by sliding part of my leg over the edge of the mattress to let in a bit of cool air. So I try to keep a leg close to the edge of the bed. The other thing that I like to do, is have some part of my other leg touching my wife's leg. Like a kid with his teddy bear, it comforts me. And while I don't think that my wife always appreciates this gesture of affection, she indulges me, because she's cool like that.
Anyways, in our old bed, being a double, getting into the position of one ankle over hers, and one at the side of the bed to regulate my temperature was a pretty darned comfortable sleeping position. Now, with our step up to the queen sized bed, this position tends to splay me out as if I'm strapped to some sort of medieval torture rack. A position that I don't mind being in on occasion, but it hardly offers any protection to "my boys" should an errant leg or knee come flying at me from across the mattress as my wife rolls over in her sleep. I believe that concern of this happening may be keeping me from getting a good nights sleep.
And lastly, on the weekends when we get to take a little extra soaking time before we have to get out of bed to get on with our day, sometimes I like to slide over and cuddle up to my wife and let her know just how sexy I still find her. Because this bed is bigger, I have to do this shimmy thing with my feet and ass until the lower half of my body gets all snuggled up to her. Then, because we now have this gap between our pillows, I have to roll my bum shoulder, that is underneath me at this point, forward ahead of my torso, and go all Evil Kenevil and jump my head over the pillow, gap, chasm, onto her pillow to get my cuddle on. Really, this is playing me out!
But overall, aside from those few things, it's a pretty good bed. Certainly the best bed that we've owned in the time my wife and I have been together. It may be the best bed we've ever shared. At the very least it's tied with an awesome bed we had at a resort we stayed in, in Mexico once. But that bed also had location going for it, so I think this new bed wins.
So, we were laying in our awesome new bed the other morning, and I was telling my wife about these issues I was having. She thought I was silly and that she had already, completely taken to this new bed without any issues. She also pointed out, that this bed wasn't that much bigger than our old bed and that really, a couple extra inches didn't make any difference at all.
.........................I said "EXACTLY!" And thanked her for pointing that out.
This week, I'll be joining up with the other Dudes at Dude Write, with this post. I encourage you to pop over and read what the guys bring to the table. You can get there by clicking on THIS LINK
I'm also linking up with the I Don't like Mondays Blog Hop. Click THIS LINK to read some awesome posts
Your new bed is judging you. Silently. I don't know how you should feel about that, really.ReplyDelete
I'll probably deal with it in the same way that I deal with all silent judging. With a loud and appropriately placed series of sighs. :)
I wouldn't be getting too comfortable just yet. You never know what that bed is plotting. As they say it's always the quiet ones...ReplyDelete
I think that I'm alright, for now. The bed is still luring me into the "feeling that everything is alright as long as I'm in bed phase." I should be safe until at least Wednesday.Delete
I love hearing these snippets of stories of you and your wife's relationship. I know you are just relating, in a really funny way I might add, about your issues with the new bed, but you made my heart melt a bit here. When you said how you like one of your legs to be touching her...well, it's just so dang sweet. And every time you mention the two of you giggling in bed, it makes me smile. It is so easy to tell how very much you love your wife, and that is a such an awesome thing.ReplyDelete
And just so I don't sound too sappy...I'm pretty sure the only noises you need to be worrying about for gauging purposes are the ones coming out of your bride :)
Well! Thanks so much. I'm glad that comes across. She's a good one. I like her a whole bunch. :)
I pay attention to those other noises as well. The squeaky bed noises have just been ambient background noises, that are now glaringly obvious because they're gone. I'll get used to it. :)
Good ending, LOL!ReplyDelete
......I'm glad that you caught that. :)
A silent bed sounds a bit eerie. As you mention, there is something about a rhythmically squeaking bed that can act as a barometer of male sexual performance - at least we know something is appreciating our efforts!ReplyDelete
Great post, Ken.
You don't realize how much a part of the event that those sounds are, until the are suddenly gone.Delete
I love this post, Ken! It's so honest and TRUE. We have a silent bed, which is fine because the floor of our condo unit and the ceiling of the one below ours is thin. Although there's more insulation between our floor and the one above, they have a super-squeaky bed. Before I actually met the couple I referred to them as Mr. & Mrs. Weeka-Weeka. Fortunately, they didn't weeka very often, and now have a silent bed, though that could be for a number of reasons. ;-)ReplyDelete
I sleep the way you do, covers up to my neck, leg over the edge if I get too hot. We also have a double bed, so when my husband and I travel, it's almost as if he's sleeping across the room from me!
And I love the image of you and your wife giggling like kids on your new bed. :-)
Mr & Mrs Weeka-Weeka! That's funny! And I'm sure that now you know who they actually are, they will still always be the Weeka-Weeka's to you. :)
That bed that we had when we stayed in Mexico was actually a king. It was the biggest bed we had ever shared! I had to pack a freakin lunch just to make the trek over to try to find her!
With a squeaky bed, it's fun to giggle while trying to stifle the quiet. I'm with Kianwi about the "real" gauge. Can't believe you two slept in a double. I hear you on the venting system. I do the same. This was all around a fun post to read. I love how you describe your relationship stuff...really sweet! You'll adjust.ReplyDelete
I'm certain that we'll adjust.
We've done that thing where you try to be quiet, but you know, there's going to be a point where the sounds just start happening and there's no stopping them. :)
Great post! Who says jumping on the bed is just for kids?! Enjoy :-))ReplyDelete
No more monkeys, jumping on the bed! Unless the bed is silent, then everything's fair game. ;)
Oh the joys of squeaky beds! Don't worry Ken give it a little time and I'm sure that your new bed will begin to develop it's own unique noises! Like you I like a keep a foot or hand on Scott while we sleep...he on the other hand does not appreciate it at all since my hands and feet are always cold!ReplyDelete
I'm the one with the cold feet in our bed. So I can't really just go all flat footed against her leg. Unless of course, I'm feeling a little devilish. :)
Stop being intimidated by your bed. Show it who's boss.ReplyDelete
I shall make every effort to pound that bed into submission, Stephen. As long as my wife says it's OK.Delete
I shared a twin bed with a wife for about 2 years and she was pregnant through part of it.ReplyDelete
That's quite a feat! Our first holiday trailer had a twin and while I quite enjoyed cuddling up against my wife's back every night, she didn't enjoy it as regularly as I did. Something about constantly having to deal with being jabbed in the back? I don't know what she was talking about, it was never a problem for me.Delete
Haha! Oh yes, the bed gymnastics! My husband likes to do the leg thing too. He rests a foot on my foot and sometimes I find out the hard way that he needs to clip. ) Enjoy your new bed! And thanks for linking up to the hop again this week, Ken!ReplyDelete
I get the occasional request to clip my toenails as well, Sometimes they just get away from you?
The new bed is actually pretty awesome, and the link-up is fun. It's my pleasure! :)
HAHA! Wonderful tale about your bed, wife and your 'boys'. HAHA!ReplyDelete
When hubby and I got a new bed, it was like heaven. He is a big boy and I needed more room so I didn't hang off the bed. :)
We've been anticipating the move into a queen size for some time. We went to a trade show in the city about 2 years back and bought queen sized sheets. It's finally nice to be able to use them. :)
Well that settles that. I was thinking of upgrading to a queen sized bed. The size of the room kinda stopped me. Now I have even better reasons not to. My baby more than a roll away?! I don't think so!ReplyDelete
(I love your writing Ken, it is very evocative)
Thank you Kait!Delete
Our room isn't all that big. It's actually pretty small by comparisons to a lot of master bedrooms. We had to do some planning to fit all of our new furniture into it.
.....sometimes, it's nice to chase your partner around the sheets a bit? ;)
If you'd like, I could mail you some pictures to see what we did?
We are getting a new bed this week too and I can't wait! Our old bed is causing back and neck pain and this new one is heaven sent via the mattress store. I didn't even think about missing the old one. Now I'm kind of sad. We will have to find a way of saying goodbye, I think we'll think of something he he he.ReplyDelete
Your wife is smart - what's a few inches?
Hi Elsie. Sorry I took so long to get to your new site. I had actually visited it and for some reason, thought I'll come back and add you to my list later, then promptly forgot. It wasn't until your post popped up on the site I was following that It jarred my memory.Delete
Spend 2 months on an air mattress! You will be looking so forward to the new bed, you won't even think of that old bed! :)
I think she's pretty smart too. :)
Seems like no bed is too big for long. We graduated from a Full to a Queen when our oldest was little. He had to always sleep part of the night between us and as cute as that was, he got bigger. Pretty soon my wife and I were on the last remaining six inches of either side of the bed and our boy was stretched fully out making a sloppy H out of the humanity.ReplyDelete
Soon, that King which looks obscenely large will start to look a little more comfortable. But, heck if you're this far along and just now getting the Queen, you should be OK.
I've only slept on a King sized bed once. I found it incredibly huge. Unfortunately, for our bedroom to accommodate one of those, it would require me to move walls to expand the size of the room. I'm far from being that ambitious.Delete
.......unless my wife says I need to be.
Trying to do some Saturday catching up and see that I have two posts to catch up on here! This one is great - your writing is always so real, and so fun. I think I share this sentiment when I say that it is always so refreshing to read of your adventures with the Mrs. You two are absolutely perfect together and it shows!
This post is great. I don't know what type of mattress you got, but I read an article recently by a guy critiquing the 'merits' and 'challenges' of the memory foam type mattresses that seem to be so popular now. He spent a particularly large amount of his commentary on how that type of mattress made certain 'activities' more difficult because of the lack of 'give' in the mattress material. Very funny.
We started out in a full size bed too. It was what I contributed in our young, newlywed days - my bedroom suite. We aren't large/tall people so it worked, but made it very cozy when I was expecting our bambinos. Ha ha. Then we graduated to a queen and it was heaven. I like a little snuggling but then like my space when I am ready to go to sleep. Last year we finally 'graduated' to a King Tempur Pedic. It took a little getting used to, and they weren't kidding when the store salesperson said it had to be broken in but now we love it. Yep, it is quite a stretch across to reach, but we manage! We do the ankle crossing thing too - :) Apparently that means there is a strong bond between you! :)