Friday, July 25, 2014

#191. or, What'll it Be?

  There are tasks that fall inside my job description, which I seem to be more and more tested by, as they come up every year when the pages on the calendar dictate that they need to be looked after.

  Now, I've always been adamant, and freely expounded upon to anybody who will listen to me over coffee,  that I am not going to be one of the annual statistical seniors, who gets mauled, and hospitalized or even killed by a cow during calving season, because of some emotional attachment to a 1700 pound beastie. The fact is, I don't move nearly as quickly as I did, even 5 years ago, and while I try to make up for that with better corrals and best intentions to assess the situation at hand and act accordingly, cows tend to have an innate ability to bring out some of my less than desirable qualities. So, I've set myself up with an imaginary line on my horizon when I just won't have cows anymore and perhaps my body and my wife's sanity, for having to deal with me when I deal with cows, will all be the better for that end.

  I think that's reasonable? It just didn't occur to me that the act of making feed for those cows might be the thing that does me in, long before any cow has a chance to use me as a bean bag.

  I like making hay. Or, I liked making hay in the past, might be a more accurate statement. I like cutting it, I like raking it, I like baling it. I like the smell of a field of newly baled good hay as I drive by with with my window down. When I was younger, and we cut hay with a tractor that had no cab, I could take whatever the elements chose to bombard me with  and be no worse for wear. I cut hay in heat that threatened to melt me through the floorboards, swarms of mosquitos that left a red streak of blood down my arm when I brushed them off, and clouds of pollen that dusted me with a yellow sheen by the time I ended the day. But now, from the comfort of my perfectly climate controlled tractor cab, as I scan the dial through an endless assortment of radio stations, and adjust the lumbar of my swiveling seat so my back doesn't get sore, I'm pretty convinced that haying is going to kill me.

  I'm not sure why, but this year, I struggled with an allergy to pollen or hay or farming, like nothing I've experienced in the past. At night when I would have normally went out and cleaned off the top of the machine, I was afraid to leave the cab. I would come home unable to breathe, welts all around my neck, a rash covering the upper half of my body, and fricken blisters on my eyelids!

  Blisters. On. My. Eyelids!!

  What the hell?

  So, if this is the fate that I'm destined to endure, even locked inside the relative safety of the cab of my tractor, I may have to consider taking a job in a different field. No......different profession, I tried a different field, with the same results. Trouble is, my resume is pretty sparse. I have 46 years of employment history all in the same place, and no references as to my ability to do my job, other than what I can tell you. Mine would be the resume stamped NO, and shredded for hamster cage lining, after the first glance. So what are the options for a slightly, over-the-hill farmer, with a debilitating allergy to his chosen profession?

  Ideally, I think I'd like that job where they sent the guy around the world with one razor, documenting his travels, and ability to maintain a close, sexy shave without the luxury of a second set of blades for his razor. Or, maybe I could land a few roles as the generic, leather-faced farmer, in heart touching agricultural, television commercials narrated by Sam Elliot. As long as the sets are nowhere near an actual field, I'm fine, and I do leather-faced, extremely well.

  But, there is another option. Recently, as part of my volunteering to run the beer tent at our local community rodeo, because realistically, where else would I be, I was required to pass a liquor servers course and am now a card carrying individual, licenced for responsible liquor sales and service, in the province of Alberta. Ya, me.  I guess they were desperate?

  Although, the beer tent gig, didn't involve much more than popping the tabs on cans of beer, I do have a bit of an interest in mixing drinks, and I think I make a pretty decent mojito. Maybe I could turn my barn into a pub and be one of those friendly bartender types. Despite what my wife might tell you, I am a pretty good listener, and you could bend my ear, while I mix you up a beverage of your choosing.

  ...........plus, opening beers for cowboys all day, left me with a bit of a callus on the side of my finger, so I think I'm probably already more than qualified?


29 comments:

  1. Holy crap Ken! What the hell?! Did you see a doctor about that? Surely there is something you can take for that.

    Okay. That is it. This damn thing has signed me out 4 times now. I had much more to say the first 3 times.

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    1. Hey Kait! I'm glad that you got this much through!

      I was surviving on over the counter allergy meds, but barely. I'm not certain why, but this was an especially bad year. I'm going to have to see a doctor for sure if it continues.

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  2. Ugh, those blisters sound horrible. I, too, love the smell of freshly mowed hay. Can you get allergy shots or take medicine?

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    1. Hi cynk!

      I talked to somebody who had to get shots once a week for about 4 years or something like that to deal with this. Which may not sound so bad compared to blistered eyelids?

      Delete
  3. Wow, that's a serious allergy. Have you seen a doc to check whether it's actually a hay allergy and whether anything can be done for it?

    Must say, though, I smile at the idea of you telling crazy farm stories while pouring drinks for folks. Maybe start homebrewing and open up a beer-tasting room!

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    1. Hey Jen!

      I haven't seen a doctor this year. I have in the past, without much results. This year was the worst though.

      The Ken-inatractor brewing company! Sort of rolls of the tongue, doesn't it? :)

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  4. Holy moly, Ken, get thee to an allergy specialist right away and get tested! Could you possibly have a chemical allergy to something in the cab? Could the air conditioning be spewing out some kind of allergen? Man, blistered eyelids are NOT good.

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    1. Hey Debra!

      I'm pretty certain it's not anything in the cab. It gets really bad whenever I need to get out to check something or clean something off. I did hear that there were a few other people who had similar sever reactions as well this year, so that's odd?

      Delete
    2. Quick! Call the Health Authority or the Infectious diseases people. Maybe your cell tower is making killer hay. There must be something hinky if you aren't the only one suffering. Or call 4H. Don't those guys know everything...or do they only know livestock?

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    3. Good lord! Not my cell phone! I'd die a thousand miserable deaths, if they tried to take that away from me!!!

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  5. What man doesn't dream of owning his own bar?

    I think you might be screwed either way you go. On the one hand you have allergies from the fields, which sucks. On the other hand you will find yourself allergic to all the bullshit stories people tell in a bar.

    Good luck with those allergies!

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    1. Hi Dan,

      A place where everybody knows your name!

      At least most of the people in the bar are happy? So that might sway my decision a bit?

      Delete
  6. Reality show star! You can be a reality show star.

    Wait... can you say stupid things? Your blog seems to be a little short on stupid statement, but if you could up that a little, you could be a reality show star.

    Also, maybe a politician.

    Or a "consultant."

    I have no idea what the whole consultant thing really means, but I bet you could do that.

    Or a Deputy Assistant Director of something.

    None of those positions would care about eye blisters.

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    1. Hey Katy!

      Maybe I could be the Deputy Assistant Consultant to politicians who want to be reality show stars? Should be a piece of cake, they have all kinds of stupid statements? :)

      Delete
  7. Sounds terrible--blisters on your eyelids. There are probably masks with filters you might try but they probably aren't very comfortable. If you do open a bar let me know and I'll come and bend an elbow in your joint.

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    1. Hi Stephen,

      A mask might help, but for the most part, I think it's a contact thing, because that pollen is everywhere and while I do my best to avoid it, it's just on everything that I touch.

      Keep your eyes peeled for my neon, "open" sign.

      Delete
  8. First, I love your writing.

    Many years ago, our family rented a farm house on a farm that raised Black Angus cows. The farmers also used to grow their own hay. It sounds like you are having an allergic reaction through skin contact. I'm going out on a limb, but I'm guessing you touch your eyes after your hands have come in contact with the hay. Eyelids are very sensitive. Our daughter is allergic to hay. She loved to run through the large round bales and climb on the square ones. She was constantly covered in hives. Of course, she was a child, so she thought the fun was worth the itching skin rash.

    A neighboring farmer's father did die when his favorite cow pinned him up against the side of the barn. Weird farm accident.

    Don't hate me, but can GMO's be at the root of this problem? It sounds like something has changed besides the comfort of your tractor. I got the feeling that this is a relatively new problem that has arisen in the last few years. I don't know about your farming practices, but I know that there are all kinds of pesticides added to seeds here in the U.S. That could cause serious skin contact problems. Pesticides are meant to kill. Before you think I am crazy, I have great respect for farmers. Seriously, I hope you find a solution.

    It's been a while since I have been to a rodeo, but what a fun place to serve up some beer :)

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    1. Hi Robin, thanks for stopping by.

      I believe it is a contact issue. I try to avoid rubbing my eyes as long as possible, but eventually a layer of eye sludge (?) builds up right on my eyeballs and begins to effect my vision. Then once I start rubbing them to clear that, I've pretty much lost the battle.

      I can't speak to the cause of my issue, but I suspect it's just something in my resistance that's being lessened as I age? Who knows?

      Delete
  9. Ken - Next time you get to my part of the world stop by and let me open a beer for you. Sounds like you could use it!

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    1. Thank you tnkerr, I'm looking forward to that! :)

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  10. Sorry to hear about your allergies! I hope you can find something to relieve them. Maybe you can use your expertise by becoming a consultant for farmers in some way? Or consult for a seed or farming equipment company? Bartending sounds like a good gig too.

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    1. Hi Marcy,

      I suppose that if this thing does do me in at some point, I have a few options to consider. Who knows? :)

      Delete
  11. Air conditioning. As I age I truly believe that air conditioning and thus an opportunity to sleep well will solve all my problems. As a fellow Albertan I know I shouldn't complain. Our winters are very long. Nevertheless and although I haven't worked on the farm for many many years, I am sick of swass and sweaty balls and being tired. Air conditioning, man. That's the key to health.
    (I know this is idiotic but I'm hot and I'm going to press publish anyway.) Have a good day bud.

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    1. I'm old enough to remember when air conditioning started to be a standard thing in vehicles and tractors especially. Before that, if you had a cab, it was basically a greenhouse on a rolling oven. When air conditioning came, a lot of guys ended up with pneumonia because it was 20 below in the cab and 30 above when you got out, and going in and out, was making everyone sick. I can clearly remember my dad telling me that I couldn't use the air conditioning.

      I know this isn't really where you were going, but it stirred up a memory. I don't have air conditioning in the house, so maybe that's where I need to start?

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  12. I loved reading through your slice of life. I guess some of us have romantic notions about living with cows, but the blisters on the eyelids ouch! I've had some pretty extreme allergic reactions, once with full body blotches, and where I couldn't open my mouth, (not that I'm much of a talker) but I don't remember eyelid blisters. Oats seemed to help my skin, especially in the bath. And the only think I could intake was papaya juice through a straw. I don't know if this will help you. But hope you feel better soon.

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    1. Hi, Thanks for stopping by.

      Allergies are definitely the worst!

      It's funny about the oats. If you ask any farmer, oats are the worst crop to handle during harvest or when moving it by truck, because it seems to have the picky-est of grain dust whenever it settles down the collar of your shirt. Of course, when it's in your bathtub, that probably isn't an issue. :)

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  13. I once had a week-long job where I gave out free beers at pubs all over the city. They were packed because it was coming up to Christmas time and people were finishing up with work. I was paid $50 an hour. Pretty happy with that.

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    1. Hi Michael!

      Wait....free beer, Christmas, AND 50 dollars an hour? What a magical land you must live in!! :)

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    2. It was probably the best job I've had to date.

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