#199. or, The Rise of the Comfortable Pants Gang

  I've been around for long enough to know, that in fashion, trends will come, and trends will go. And more likely than anything, we'll probably look back on some of them in ten or so years and wonder, what the hell was I thinking?!

  I'm looking at you, skinny jeans.

  Don't even to try to conjure up that image. There was never anything skinny enough about me to even entertain the thought of shoe-horning my man bits into the pants of a prepubescent boy.

  There are however, certain trends that have come to help define, and even add to the mythos of particular cultures. Say, for instance, cowboys and Wrangler jeans. I'd wager that if someone asked you to imagine up a cowboy and describe that image to you, your cowboy would be wearing  boots, a hat and Wrangler jeans. Those jeans have come to define that ideal even more than cows. And cows are part of the damned name and job description.  

  Recently, while in Costco, I discovered a technological advancement in fashion, the scale of which the world has very likely not seen before, or might not ever see again. Stretchy denim jeans!  Honestly, I don't even know if they're actual denim or not, I don't really care, because those freaking things are stretchy!

  Did I mention that those freaking things are stretchy?

  They're my new favorite goin-to-town jeans. I even own two pair now, just in case I need to go to town while the other pair is in the wash. If both pair are in the wash, I send someone else to town for parts.

  When I was younger. Probably last year. (that was a joke) There was nothing like slipping into a crisp pair of freshly washed jeans to make me feel emboldened, and teeming with sexual confidence. But, slipping into a pair of stretchy denim jeans is completely different. They're not empowering, as much as they are comfortable. It's almost like you're wearing pajamas, without the judging looks you get from actually wearing pajamas at one o'clock in the afternoon, or the chance of finding yourself on a People of Walmart internet page. They're  a metaphor for the place I am in life right now. Feeling pretty good in jeans, but not so much caring whether or not all my manly accents are on display. Not so much to be desired as a sex object, but just happy things still work well enough to have sex.

  The thing is, and I don't want you to think here that I spend a great deal of time looking at other mens asses, but lately I've been spending a good deal of time looking at other mens asses.

  For research purposes.

  You'd be surprised at the number of times I've been in a group of guys, where I've noticed more than one of us wearing those Costco stretchy jeans with the familiar stitching on the pocket. Granted, the demographic that I'm usually hanging with is middle-aged-farmer-guy, but it would seem, that the stretchy denim gang is on the rise.

  The thing that worries me though, is this.

  I'm not certain if any of my brothers, in the throes of stretchy denim bliss have noticed or not, but over the course of a day out and about, stretchy denim gets relaxed. I mean, really relaxed. To the point where I find myself continually hiking up my pants. I worry that this whole stretchy denim phenomenon might have all of us old guys, wandering around with our pants drooping down our backsides like a bunch of teenagers. Then how are we all going to sit at the CO-OP, drinking coffee, and yell at the kids to pull their pants up and get a job, while maintaining any sort of credibility?

  Of course, this could all be avoided with the use of a belt, but how comfortable are they? Besides, belts seem more like a fashion accessory when your waistline exceeds the girth of your hips. And who wants to complicate things with fashion accessories, when you want to feel like you're wearing old grey sweatpants and dressing for success at the same time?

  .........although, I might see a business opportunity in starting a line of casual pants/pajama belts. Anyone interested in funding me?