Wednesday, February 13, 2013

#143. or, Nothing

  A couple weeks back, I asked my wife what she wanted for Valentines Day. Her answer was, "nothing."

  Now, I know that if I actually got up on the morning of the 14th of February, and making the coffee was the only thing that my wife got from me before she left for work, she'd be alright with that. She probably wouldn't say anything at all. She's sort of cool that way. But I would feel like a heel all day, and we wouldn't want that now, would we?

  So over the last few days, I've ramped up my questioning of what she would like for Valentines Day. Carefully slipping it into conversations, being all stealthy and shit, secretly trying to see if there was any hint of something she might accidentally  give up so the item I eventually got for her, was something that she might really want.

  Her answer was always, "nothing."

  I love my wife. Truthfully, getting married to her, having sex for the very first time, which also happened to be with her, and raising our 3 children together, are all milestones that are easily the top 5 of things that have happened to me so far in life. Although, those things may not have necessarily happened all in that order. I like her to be happy, maybe walk out the door smiling as she goes to work. But I'm not really as good at Valentines day as I used to be.

  I used to be a lot better at holidays like this. I was the guy with the rose petals and the feeble attempt at a hot stone massage. Which I think she tolerated, more than enjoyed. But still, it's the though, right? I did bubble baths with candles, wine, and relaxing nature sounds. I made signs proclaiming my love and pasted them to the outside of every window of the house, so no matter which one she looked out of, there it was. But eventually, you sort of run out of new ideas.

  Eventually, you discover that you don't need a particular day to expound the virtues of having your partner there to "be yours." Or some tiny token to show how much they mean to you, that will get tossed aside the next time you clean the house. The older you grow together, sometimes, if you're lucky, just having that person to share your good and bad with is enough.

  I come here and tell you what's going on in my life, maybe not quite as often as I would like. Those of you who are kind enough to follow along, know my wife and I took no holiday this winter. That she took some extra days off at Christmas to relax and have company over to entertain, and then we all got sick and Christmas just sort of happened instead of being enjoyed. That we spent the better part of 3 months sleeping in the basement on an air mattress while we renovated our bedroom. And through all of that, she cooked, cleaned, did laundry, and went to work every weekday at an accounting office. Now, she's on the verge on beginning tax season and the hours get longer and an extra day a week will be added to her work schedule. As much as I complain about being stressed, she beats me by a long shot. I'd like to give her something to say, "thanks, I love you, babe!"

  Yet when I ask what she'd like, she tells me, "nothing."

  So this weekend, we're going to do nothing. We're going into the city, to stay overnight.......and do nothing. Not fit the long list of errands we have to do with each city trip, around things we want to do. There won't be  a load of groceries hauled home. No trips to the renovation store for that one extra thing. Nothing. Whatever happens, happens. There's no plans, other than our room reservations. The Saturday and Sunday are ours to do with what we will, and if it turns out to be nothing, that's fine too.

  For Valentines Day this year, I'm getting my wife nothing, I hope she likes it.

 ...........it's exactly what she asked for.



This week, I'll be joining up with the other Dudes at Dude Write, with this post. I encourage you to pop over and read what the guys bring to the table. You can get there by clicking on THIS LINK





60 comments:

  1. Do you have an awesome single brother who is JUST LIKE YOU?

    Have a great weekend, sounds very nice.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Tracie,
      Awwww, I'm nothing special.

      But I like that you think so. :)

      Delete
  2. Your nothing sounds divine!

    My parents have for years kept a collection of previously given Valentine's cards (along with Birthday and Anniversary). When the day arrives, they pull one out and put it up for the other.

    After 40+ years together, they know how they feel.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That's a cool idea about the cards. When we renovated our bedroom, we dug out the giant rubbermaid tub of things that we've kept over the years. We spent some time sitting on the bed, going through some of it. There was some cards in there that I honestly don't remember sharing.

      Why not give them a 2nd chance, it's fun to see what you had written in them all those years ago. :)

      Delete
  3. I second Crack You Whip's comment :)

    That is a perfect gift (although I really love the signs on all the windows idea, so cute!) Valentines day doesn't have to be a big deal, just a little something to express your love. And this year nothing is the perfect way!

    I hope you two have a wonderful, relaxing weekend. Maybe go and get some Poutine!! :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hey Kianwi!

      You're silly! I'm no different than any other guy. :)

      My wife and I are looking forward to our little getaway. It's proving a bot of a challenge to stop ourselves from thinking about things we should do there, but so far, still nothing. :)

      Delete
    2. You are the silly one, because you most definitely are different than lots and lots of other guys. Different in a very good way :)

      Now go smooch your wife! Maybe this time when you shake your junk at her, you won't end up arranging the throw pillows, ha ha :)

      Delete
  4. "Nothing" is a perfect, perfect gift especially for someone whonhas a busy life. Anything to break the mundane routine is such a pleasure. You outthunk yourself and did good, Ken. Have a great day AND weekend.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Gina,

      I think that the break will do us both a ton of good. We're looking forward to it. I'm sure it's going to be awesome! :)

      Delete
  5. Oh, you romantic fool! More husbands should be like you. I hope you and your wife have a wonderful, relaxing weekend of doing nothing but enjoying a change of scenery and pace!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Debra,

      Thank you! I'm sure we will. All of those pictures that you post around the city has me thinking there's so much there we have never seen, and it's only an hour away. :)

      Delete
  6. I think if I got a hotel room in the big city with no plans, I would probably end up sleeping right through it. Mmm sleep.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Holly,

      You know, if that happens, that's fine too. I'm pretty sure sleeping in something we're hoping happens. :)

      Delete
  7. That is ridiculously adorable! It goes beyond romantic and moves into a realm of true understanding and appreciation of each other. It's got to be a pleasure to put aside the chores and errands of a regular trip and make it about relaxing and being together. I hope you have a fantastic weekend!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hey Heather,

      I'm certain that our weekend will be fantastic.

      ......ridiculously adorable, eh? Now you have me blushing. :)

      Delete
  8. Ohhh...that sounds perfect! My husband and I love exchanging gifts, but I usually end up saying "I don't know." I love that you put signs outside every window of the house! Gestures like that are awesome!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Bee,

      Gifts and cards are nice too. We actually did exchange cards. We always do.
      I actually have a story about a one of those romantic gestures that sort of failed. It was too long to add here though, I think it's post of it's own for sometime later. :)

      Delete
  9. I LOVE YOU!!! Every woman deserves a man that listens and gives the perfect gift! She is so freaking lucky!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hey Jules!

      3 exclamation marks worth of love? WOW!

      I keep trying to tell her how lucky she is to have me, sometimes she's a little suspicious about that. ;)

      Delete
  10. You are such an awesome husband, it's no wonder she's kept you all these years! :-) You listen and you care about her feelings. I think a weekend of "nothing" is a wonderful gift! I'm betting she will love it and I bet it will end up being something to remember! :-)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Nice to have you stop by Josie! :)

      Sometimes I wonder how I got so lucky that she's kept me around all this time. But I'm certainly not complaining about it.

      We certainly are looking forward to our weekend. :)

      Delete
  11. I have a feeling your wife is going to get exactly what she wants. Happy Valentine's Day to you both.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Stephen,

      We're looking forward to it. I hope that you and your wife have a Happy Valentines Day as well. :)

      Delete
  12. I'm a lurker around these parts, meaning I read but don't comment. But I found this post so beautiful and so thoughtful, that I had to.

    What a wonderful post. I hope that you and your wife have a fantastic time doing nothing. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Lilly, I'm happy that you commented.

      Funny thing is, while you're lurking here, I'm lurking at your site as well. :)

      Thank you, and I'm certain our time will be fantastic. Whatever we decide to do.

      Delete
  13. That sounds like THE perfect Valentine's Day gift. You are awesome! :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Terrye, Thank you for following.

      I'm not so awesome. But I appreciate that you think so. Thanks. :)

      Delete
  14. Gasp. And sigh. That is all. Wow. Beautiful.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hello, My Friend!

      I think that is possibly the shortest comment that we may have shared. Ever!

      Thank You! :)

      Delete
    2. Yes - short but infused with so much meaning!! :)

      I hope you two enjoyed an incredible overnight of nothing and that she was fully aware of how blessed she is! You are a fabulous hubby! Way to go!

      My Hubs and I are quite similar in that we don't necessarily NEED to count on a day (probably started by Hallmark and the chocolate industry) to express our love and show our appreciation. We already do a lot together. We go out on dates regularly, even if its just a hike in the woods by waterfalls. My Hubs wasn't asking what I wanted for Valentines Day but I was already telling him 'Nothing' :). I am really perfectly content and don't need a thing. However, when I got home from yet another long day at work, he had cooked dinner, set the table with candles and a bottle of wine - I was stunned and so appreciative. We enjoyed a nice quite dinner at home with great conversation, a view out to our backyard with the sunset, and no crowds or waiting for a table. Perfect!

      Happy Belated Valentines!

      Delete
  15. Awesome! May you both have an absolutely amazing nothing, sir!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you Daniel, this may the best nothing that I've ever been looking forward to.

      Delete
  16. Perfect! Absolutely perfect! I hope you have the best time doing absolutely nothing!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Elsie.

      The hardest thing is trying to stop ourselves from doing any planning. We're doing our best though. :)

      Delete
  17. What a great gift! I enjoyed this story and I hope y'all have a wonderful time!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you. I always have a good time when we're together, this will be different for us. I'm looking forward to it. :)

      Delete
  18. I was about to warn you about the trap of "nothing" but you flipped the script quite well, my friend. I hope she enjoys the nothing you have not planned. Being together is always the best part.

    WG

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'd be lying if I said I hadn't fallen victim to the trap of "nothing" before. But that was quite some time ago.

      Delete
  19. Replies
    1. Thanks! Once in a while I get it right. :)

      Delete
  20. I hope you realize, Ken, that posts such as this cause blokes like me (insensitive, shallow, thoughtless) no end of problems. I must keep your words away from the prying eyes of Mrs Jones!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yikes! I didn't mean to get you into an awkward position.

      .......actually, I was sort of hoping it would get ME into an awkward position?

      Delete
  21. I'm with your wife. We're busy celebrating each other the other 364 days. Let's skip the hallmark holiday and do nothing. I like your idea of nothing. Sounds nice.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, we just got back last night. It was a wonderful weekend. :)

      Delete
  22. That sounds awesome. After the time y'all have had as of late, nothing sounds so very relaxing. I hope it was great!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The only bad thing that I have to say about or weekend that was negative, is that it wasn't long enough. We're looking forward to doing it again. :)

      Delete
  23. I like this approach. I hope your weekend was nice. My wife and I have practiced the art of doing nothing on Valentine's Day for ten years or more. It's worked well every time.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sounds like you're way ahead of me on this one. I'm a bit of a slow learner.

      Delete
  24. I like the way that you took an old story and gave it a new twist. I hope that you both enjoyed the weekend.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. We did. It was a little difficult to not try to fill as many things as we could into the days we had. But I think we did alright. Less running, more relaxing. :)

      Delete
  25. This is so sweet. I like your interpretation of nothing. It's something AND nothing. You're a good hubby and it sounds like you and your wife have a wonderful relationship!

    Hope you'll come join the hop again this week! I'm sorry, I deleted my first button from photobucket without realizing it would screw it up for those of you who already posted it. You can grab the new one if you'd like. Thanks!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you Linda,

      I haven't got anything new right now as I tried to be here as little as possible over the weekend and Monday is also a holiday for us. I'll see if I can whip something up. I like being there. :)

      Thanks for the heads up about the button. I'll fix it as soon as I get a free couple of minutes.

      Delete
  26. This is a very sweet post.

    Doing NOTHING is undervalued, especially by non-parents.

    My nothing time is my favorite time.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you,

      In the last 20 years, I'm sure I can count the days on the fingers that i have. (i have all of my fingers.)

      Delete
  27. That's awesome Ken! Doing nothing is some of my personal favorite time. Sometimes when you plan vacations, you come back more exhausted than when you left, because you are spending so much time, money, and effort to have "fun" that you forget to just relax. I hope you guys enjoyed doing "nothing" together.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. We used to get caught in that trap all the time, Michael. Trying to pack as many things into the trip as we could. Now there's trips we take, usually with our holiday trailer, that the extent of our planning consists of the direction we are heading. Much more relaxing.

      Delete
  28. Ken, I saw talk of you winning Dudewrite on Twitter so had to come by and read! Congratulations and what a lovely post. It expresses such genuine caring love between you and your wife... as always! But there is another thing I want to congratulate you on - you have a million readers!!! There are so many comments here that I think The Blogess Herself might need to sit up and pay attention. I should give her a call and tell her that she has competition.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh my goodness, Thank you! But she's so far out of my league that I'm not even a blip on her radar! But thanks for saying so! :)

      Delete
    2. To answer your question, yes. ;-)

      But really, it's striking to see how many readers you have now!

      And you're welcome :)

      Delete