Friday, March 16, 2012

#57. or, cow pie top hop

  We rented a movie last night. The Three Musketeers. While it might not be every ones cup of tea, i thoroughly had a wonderful time. I think it's a lose yourself for a couple hours with popcorn movie that's just fun. It's the same musketeers story that's hundreds years old but it adds a few twists to bring it up to date. There's grand sets, three different love stories, tall ships that fly through the air, Orlando Bloom rockin' a wicked, awesome hair style, and plenty of  swashbuckling.

  I'm a bit of a fan of the swashbuckling, but there isn't a lot of call for it in doing what i do. When i was younger, and more agile, sometimes while scooping up calves, wielding my cow cane, i would imagine that i was doing a little swashbuckling. However, it doesn't really translate when you have rubber boots and coveralls on. About the most swashbuckling thing i do these days is the frozen cow pie top hop. That's where you jump from frozen cow pie to frozen cow pie without ever landing on the actual ground.

  The frozen cow pie top hop tends to become a bit of a necessity around this time of year. It happens when things start to melt. You end up with water running across slick ice, plus the occasional area of mud that threatens to suck the rubber boots right off your feet.You can cross these areas by hopping from pie to pie. Here's a little cow math:

    Approx 180 cows, multiplied by approximately 3 dumps per day, multiplied by around 150 days below freezing, equals 81000 frozen cow pies. Then add 180 calves at say, 2 dumps per day, for about 75 days before i sell them equals 27000 smaller frozen pies. 81000 plus 27000 is 108 000 cow pies. (and you thought you had a lot of dog shit to clean up when the snow melts in your back yard) Crossing a field without actually touching the ground is completely doable.

    Now i agree, that if you were to look across a field at me, in rubber boots and coveralls, doing the light step shuffle across a field of frozen cow pies, you're probably thinking that this fellow should get some medication, but rest assured, i'm swashbuckling the hell out of it.

  .............i think i might look a little more awesome if i could find some knee high rubber boots that i could fold down in a sort of pirate fashion. Also wear one of those big hats with a feather in it and some 4 inch wide leather belts. Although, that may be a little flamboyant? ( i probably shouldn't even mention my hetero, man-crush on Orlando Bloom.)


  1. Oh-man, we called poop hopping - it would suck when ya land on semi-fresh on though and goody freshness comes squirting out - I would always try to get my brother - the good ol' days.

  2. Wow, that's an awfully lot of math...

    I've never heard of that. It doesn't really get cold here in Louisiana, so I guess I learned (learnt) something new!

    1. i was going to say that you haven't really lived until you've danced across the tops of frozen cow pies, but i decided that that doesn't paint me as much of a worldly fellow. I feel sad that you have to live in a climate where cow pies are perpetually squishy........maybe not,i wish i lived there too.